Shelly Wutke

Visit me at Survive Parenthood Magazine

2011-10-25T12:49:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated this blog in quite awhile, and that's because I've focused all of my writing in one place: Survive Parenthood Magazine.

For up to date articles, info, tech reviews, and random ramblings, check it out.

http://www.survivemag.com

Add a smart phone for mom to your back to school supplies list

2011-08-15T09:51:00.000-07:00

If you don't already have a smart phone, here are a few reasons why you just might want to head out to grab one.

Suvive Parenthood Magazine - Back to school supply lists should include a smart phone for mom

Baby showers: Not just for mom anymore

2011-07-23T15:20:00.000-07:00

There is a new party on the horizon. In celebration of your baby, you might sit back, relax, and get ready to enjoy all the fun and frivolity that is your baby shower. But wait, because you aren't the only one who wants to be the center of attention.

Daddy Diaper Parties are a new way for men to celebrate impending fatherhood. Cancel the cute games, get rid of the cake, and break out a brewski, because a 'Dadchelor' party is all about relaxing and getting in touch with your inner Dad.

Intrigued? Looking for a Dachelor theme? Look no further than a small list of ideas at Survive Parenthood Magazine.

Selling your kid's crap for fun and profit

2011-07-20T09:44:00.000-07:00

Just posted a new article on Survive Parenthood about selling your kid's stuff. Check it out

Selling your used kid's stuff for fun and profit

Because a few people have asked how I ended up working from home

2011-07-13T12:44:00.000-07:00

I get asked about working at home a lot. I mean, a lot. It seems to be a difficult thing to do, and I will admit to having had my own trials and tribulations with it.

I've been freelancing for over 3 years now, and I can say that I no longer really take jobs anyone from freelance websites, Craigslist, or other online forums. Most jobs have come my way due to referrals or just getting my writing out there.

But, for someone just starting out, I can't recommend freelance sites enough. Even if you just get a few good pieces for your portfolio, it could be worth it to you.

This week, I did a focus piece on working from home and focused on Odesk. Take a peek:

Survive Parenthood Magazine - Work at Home Series

After three years of speculation, Casey Anthony is not guilty

2011-07-05T13:27:00.000-07:00

Nothing makes me feel more ill than someone hurting their children. Although a jury passed a not guilty verdict today in the Casey Anthony trial, it still remains that she got away free and clear after possibly murdering her child. At the very least, even if the story she concocted about the accidental drowning is true, she is guilty of being one of the most horrendous mothers to walk the planet. There is no way to be impartial when you are reporting such a story, no way to gloss over the fact that justice has diminished the memory of a defenseless 2 year old baby girl.

So what happens to Casey Anthony now? Not much. Check out the Article on Survive Parenthood Magazine.

Roadtrip down the I5 to California, Part Two

2011-07-01T11:50:00.000-07:00

And we're on to Part Two of the California road trip saga. I didn't realize I had a several part series in me, but with each day packed with stuff, its easy to continue to ramble on and on about this particular road trip.

Check it out on Survive Parenthood Magazine

A Mini-Van road trip from Canada to California: Destination, Disneyland

2011-06-30T10:18:00.000-07:00

Ever since I hatched the insane plan to take four kids (ages 8,7,4, and 1 at the time) on a road trip from Vancouver, BC to Anaheim, California, I wanted to write about it. Its been in the back of my head for almost a year, and like post traumatic stress, certain images are burned into my brain forever.

At this point in time, I am sure that I won't ever do a road trip down the I5 to California again UNLESS it isn't in my mini-van. For all of the virtues of the Pontiac Montana (and there are many, as it has been a reliable vehicle), I would not do it again. In an RV, it could be a possibility.

I'd actually like to do a cross-country comparision of RV to personal vehicle and the differences between the two. The problem? RV's are ridiculously expensive.

For an idea of what it is really like for a Canadian family of six to go on a road trip to Disneyland, see Part One in Survive Parenthood Magazine.

Best animated movies for rainy days

2011-06-24T12:47:00.000-07:00

So many of us are waking up in our cold houses lately and weighing the pros and cons of turning the furnace back on. Like anyone who lives in a climate that is supposed to have seasons, I flat out refuse to give into the need to turn mine back on. Yes, the thermostat says 19 in the house, and yes, I am layering all of the kids all the time, but COME ON weather. Blow yourself up north where you really belong and stay there for at least 3 months.

I hate to look out the window and see the kid's big pool set up in the backyard, all ice cold and waiting for swimmers, or try to answer the questions as to when the weather will get warm and stay warm (Answer: I have no idea. Second Answer: I'm not the weatherman.)

I struggle to find rainy day activities when every single day is a cold and rainy day, so this list from Time's Magazine came at the right moment. Check it out: http://survivemag.com/?p=635

My kid is excited about Pottermore

2011-06-23T07:54:00.000-07:00

I received a news blast this morning about Pottermore, an online world dedicated to making the Harry Potter books come to life. Created by J.K.Rowling and Sony, this website promises to be an ebook gone wild.

My daughter plowed through all 7 Harry Potter books last summer vacation, and she was seriously unhappy when she found out there wouldn't be another book. When your kids is a book worm and not exactly into the movies, the option of a Pottermore is welcome indeed.

You can't access the website right now, but can enter your email address to be notified when registration starts. For more details, see http://survivemag.com/?p=626

What can I say about Father's Day?

2011-06-17T16:21:00.000-07:00

As Father's Day is upon us once again, I find it is a time to reflect on the role of Dad. Yes, he is the hanger of curtain rods, the fixer of flat tires, and the leveler of shelves. But he's also so much more.

In honor of Father's Day 2011, I have written a 3 step bit of advice for Dad's everywhere, whether they are new or seasoned (sounds better than old, but I'm not sure if I'd be happy if someone called me seasoned). Take it as you will Dads, but it might just help you out if you are expecting a new baby in the near future or keep your vital organs intact if your wife has just given birth.

3 things not to say to your wife after she's just had your baby - Survive Parenthood Magazine

What are you going to tell your kids about the Vancouver Riot 2011

2011-06-16T10:41:00.000-07:00

Like many in Vancouver, I was glued to my television last night. Not only because of the hockey game, which put a wrench in my heart for the Canucks. No, I was glued to the aftermath. The moment that first car flipped I had a feeling this could get bad, but I had no idea that the stupidity would be so truly out of control.

If I had to have a favorite part, and I use that term loosely, I would say that it was when the TV cameras captured a bunch of idiots in The Bay. One guy in particular had a hammer in his hand and he was talking away on his cell phone. These are people who had no clue they were being taped, but at the same time, did they not care that the public was standing there watching them? Did they feel entitled to those Coach purses, just because the Canucks lost?

News flash people: The Canucks are ashamed of you. Instead of being proud they got this far, you brought shame down upon them. Good job! I'm sure when you woke up this morning with a hangover and puffy eyes from tear gas, you probably thought to yourself, "What the hell was I thinking?"

But its too late for that now.

For some helpful suggestions on how to discuss the Vancouver Riot 2011 with your kids, visit Survive Parenthood

Blogging and the lack thereof

2011-06-14T09:06:00.000-07:00

I've been busy lately. I mean, more busy than just having 4 children and a husband who recently had surgery (thus, turning into my 5th child.) More busy than the usual copywriting jobs, laundry, shuttling the kids back and forth to school and swimming and various birthday parties. Don't forget those year end activities: scrapbook pages, photos, parades. And its been fun, but I've been busy.

I've never felt that my blog captures my writing style or who I am exactly, so because of that I've decided to consolidate and launch an online magazine. I've been working on it for awhile, and am currently just tweaking it and loading content. Anything that I write will go there, and I will link to it from here.

I'll be doing more app reviews, more investigative articles, and just more writing. And the theme?

Being a mother, who is also a parent, and who, once upon a time, was also someone else that I can't quite remember anymore. Someone who vowed that, after University, I would continue to read Madame Bovery or The Woman in White, just to mentally stimulate my brain. Now, if I tried to read that, I'd be snoring in 5 minutes from pure exhaustion.

I know there are people out there who love their kids, but at the same time, lament the fact that their 20's, or 30's or 40's are cruising by them and their lives are slowly trickling by them. Its a sobering thought, but it is one that I've had many, many times. I sincerely hope that life begins at 40, because if not, I spent the most intellectually creative years of my life peeling potatoes (which I wasn't happy about) and raising kids (which I am very happy about).

I'm writing for people who don't have a ton of time to read online, but want to find what they are looking for in under 10 minutes. Topics that will soon be covered are:

Journey to Disneyland: The Insanity of a 6 person road trip down the I5
You might be insensitive if....3 things a man should not say to his wife after she has given birth
According to my neighbor, these are household chores you should not be doing

Its called Survive Magazine: Because Parenthood can be Preposterous . Coming soon, laundry willing

The double edged sword of technology

2011-06-01T18:59:00.000-07:00

I remember the moment so vividly.

I answered my front door to find my husband's friend standing on the steps. In his hand was a bright, shiny, slightly newer iTouch, and he was giving it to me. Up until that moment, it never occurred to me that a small, thinnish piece of technology would drastically improve my life, but it did. Oh how it did.

I am one of many mothers who managed to survive endless hours of rocking, breastfeeding, and soothing in the dark with nothing to entertain myself but a random thought of dinner or could I possibly sneak out and put her down. I wasn't resentful, I was just lacking entertainment.

When he handed me that iTouch, he opened up a portal to the world. No longer did I have to nurse my 4th baby for hours on end with nothing to stare at but the wall. And don't get me started on the wonders of the app store. I've never been the same since. Mousewait, Huffington Post, Youtube. Bliss.

Of course, I progressed through the ranks of new technology quite quickly after that, and now I have a choice of what to pick up when I want to go and rock the little guy to sleep. Generally I choose my iPhone 4 over my iPad, just for the fact that its small and easier to hold. I think though, I may be opting for the iPad more often now.

The World Health Association, in a study recently submitted for your consideration, showed that cell phones may be emitting radiation that is the same league as shoving your face near the car exhaust or smoking. This is bad news for anyone as addicted to Smart phones as most of us are. Although they have stated that further study is needed, it is a wake up call for many who have their cell phone attached to their hip.

In a recent article posted on HULIQ, the amount of radiation emitting from various cell phones was analyzed and a list of the best and worst cell phones was compiled:

* Side note: For comparison purposes, the Apple iPhone 4, 8G emits 0.974 and did not make the top 20 for highest amounts of radiation

Cell Phones that Emit the highest amount of radiation

1 Motorola Bravo 1.59
2 Motorola Droid 2 Global 1.58
3 Sony Ericsson Satio (Idou) 1.56
4 Sony Ericsson Xperia X10 Mini Pro 1.55
5 Kyocera Jax S1300 1.55
6 Motorola i335 1.53
7 Nokia Astound 1.53
8 Motorola Defy 1.52
9 Motorola Grasp 1.52
10 ZTE Salute 1.52
11 LG Rumor 2 1.51
12 Motorola Droid 1.49
13 Sanyo Vero 1.49
14 Motorola Droid 2 1.49
15 HTC Desire 1.48
16 LG Chocolate Touch 1.47
17 Motorola Atrix 4G 1.47
18 Kyocera Wild Card M1000 1.46
19 Kyocera X-tc 1.45
20 Motorola i576 1.45

Cell Phones that Emit the lowest-radiation cell phones

1 Samsung Blue Earth 0.196
2 Samsung Infuse 4G 0.2
3 Samsung Acclaim 0.29
4 Samsung Replenish 0.3
5 Huawei Ideos X5 0.34
6 T-Mobile Sidekick 4G 0.34
7 LG Quantum 0.35 8 Samsung Haven 0.41
8 Samsung Evergreen 0.41
9 Samsung Captivate 0.42
10 Samsung Smiley 0.43
11 HTC Surround 0.439
12 Doro PhoneEasy 410 0.445
13 Motorola Devour 0.45
14 Motorola i890 0.45
15 Kyocera Neo E1100 0.479
16 Samsung Contour 0.49
17 HTC Imagio 0.498
18 Motorola Flipside 0.5
19 Samsung Flight SGH-A797 0.505

So how serious is this, and what does it mean for parents who rely on these phones as their main source of communication? There are three things you can do right now to mitigate your exposure to radiation from your cell phone:

Use earphones when talking on the phone: Apple ships the iPhone 4 complete with a set of ear buds that work as both ear phones and a headset when driving. Don't hold the headset to your ear when talking, use your ear phones. The possibility of radiation transmission will be lower.
Keep the phone away from your body: When in use, put the phone on the seat beside you or on your desk. Don't put it in your pocket. You can actually feel the little black box heating up, which can't be good for radiation risk.
Use it for texting and surfing, not talking: Most of us still have home phones, so you don't have to use your cell to talk inside your house. Pick up your home phone and use it whenever possible. The study showed increased radiation when using cell phones for talking, not necessarily texting.

It remains to be seen whether or not the World Health Association will place cell phones in a category along with gasoline fumes and smoking. At the very least, you owe it to yourself to decrease whatever risk may be out there, and that includes putting down the phone once in awhile.

Sometimes, you just need to make your own fairytale

2011-04-29T10:12:00.000-07:00

I will admit, as I sit amongst my laundry piles, I just watched the highlight reel of the Royal Wedding. Ok, I'll also admit that I watched it twice. And while we are admitting things, I have to say that I am a wee bit jealous.

Of course, we cannot compare lives in any shape or form, but I don't know a woman alive who doesn't want to be a Princess for a day. I know I do. My wedding dress has long since been packed away in a rubbermade container, only to be unearthed someday when my daughter wants to play with it or try it on and discard it for a $5000 version of the same dress. And that's OK. I've had my time, and she'll have hers. But I'm still jealous.

Which brings me to the thought that sometimes, you just have to make your own fairytale. Or, if you can't have the fairytale, settle for doing something nice for yourself whenever possible. I'm not sure what constitutes a happy place for you, but for me it could be one of many scenarios of both small and large proportions:

Have a massive, blow out vow renewal
If you like your husband enough to remarry him, what are you waiting for? Life is short. Plan a party. Whether you want it to be in your backyard or at Disneyland (which is, of course, where I would go), get yourself a pretty dress, a tiara, and a bunch of friends. You'll feel like a Princess, even for the day.

Take a nice vacation to a place where magic happens
Once again, I'd go to Disneyland. I'd slap on my Mouseears, eat in their themed restaurants, and run wild for the day. I may even be persuaded to go to the Bibbity Bobbity Boutique and get my hair done with my daughter, although I don't know if I can pull off the Cinderella look. You might want to go to a beach somewhere, put on a sarong, and drink MaiTai's while you watch the world go by.

You could do the same thing right in your hometown by renting a limo, going to a nice place, and even wearing high heels. Sometimes, you just have to let loose and get to the heart of your happiness.

Do something nice for yourself
What makes you feel good about yourself? Is it having a bath, uninterrupted by small children who are trying to hop in and share with you? Is it reading a book or going out for a coffee that doesn't taste watered down? For me, if I have to stick close to home, I like walking through book stores. I love walking aisle after aisle of books, and just getting lost in them. It doesn't necessarily make me feel like a Princess, but I feel....content. Do something that makes you feel content.

Yes, it is much easier to give such advice than take it. Even now, as I write this, having a day that would even be 1/1000 as magical as the Royal Wedding seems highly unlikely. But I'll keep dreaming, as I always do, and I hope you will as well.

And in the mean time, I'll watch that highlight reel one more time before I succumb to one more episode of Handy Manny. (Actually, Handy Manny has some serious adult themes. The sexual tension between Manny and Kelly is palpable.)

Vancouver's Disney Store is now open

2011-04-06T17:52:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post to broadcast the news of Vancouver's new Disney Store at Metrotown.

Located on the lower level by the Bay, the store is one of the new concept stores. They have the Princess section with Magic Mirrors, a Cars section with build it yourself remote control cars, and the required pile of Disney plush. The cars section is very similar to RideMakerz in downtown Disneyland, and if you have a RideMakerz car (our boys have one each), you can switch out the shells and convert them to Lightening McQueen or Mater.

My favorite part of the new store is that they sell Vinyls! I've been collecting them slowly off of the Disney Store website, but to have full access to Toy Story, Villians, and the Park series of vinyls? Its almost too much excitement for someone who barely ever gets out of the house.

The mural on the wall outside of the Vancouver Disney store

As you can see in the picture, there are trees in the store, but these aren't just any ordinary tree. They light up with movies and fireworks at random times throughout the day.

The cast members at the store really try hard to recreate Disney magic. One CM called my daughter "Princess' the entire time she was in the Rapunzel section, and they singled out a small visitor for a special honor complete with fireworks. I do believe that they also have the magical opening in the morning, where the first visitor gets to turn the key in the lock and keep a replica (I haven't seen it for myself, but I know other stores do this).

The Grand Opening is on April 16th at 10 am. Mickey and Minnie will be there in the central court as a meet and greet. This is one store that you will want to spend an hour in, especially on a rainy day in Vancouver.

I'm a Disney fantatic. For other Disney related articles that I've written, visit Mousewait. Mousewait is the #1 Disney social app that provides you with accurate wait times while visiting the resort.

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master

2011-03-30T10:24:00.000-07:00

I love poetry. I don't write it very well, but I have memories of creating silly little poems from the time I was five or six. This is before my phase where I was going to be a fashion designer (that one stuck until I was about 19 and realized I couldn't draw or sew). I never even realized how much I wrote until I found a box of old paper work in some kids things my mom sent out to me. It was a Nike shoe box, and there was horrendous poem after poem in there about heartbreak (my own), boys I liked (I had totally forgotten who they were until I read them, and then I laughed), and even about my cat.

The best part of that box was that it showed I was always writing. Somehow or another, writing something, anything, has kept me together all of these years. Even if I don't remember writing it.

Now my kids are into poetry in a small way. Although they were somewhat forced by having to perform a poem they picked for an oratory contest in school, they both really got into it. My son memorized his poem, "Steve the Super Hero" by Ken Nesbitt and did hand actions with it as well. My daughter and I picked this poem by Rudyard Kipling. You may know him for writing The Jungle Book which was the basis for the subsequent Disney movie, but he was also an amazing poet. When she recites this (from memory, I'm so proud), I get teary. Its beautiful.

Happy rainy Wednesday

If by Rudyard Kipling

If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Kick depression's butt with Couch to 5K By Felt Tip Inc.

2011-03-28T14:21:00.000-07:00

I have never thought of myself as a runner. Or someone who was into exercise for that matter. Sure, I like to ride my road bike around Langley in the Spring, Summer, and Fall, but given the duration (at least an hour) and the difficulty in getting out the door (impossible), I have never ridden as much as I'd like. I always thought that getting fit would happen at some point in my life, but I never knew when nor did I have the motivation to make it happen.

As one gets older, one takes a critical look in the mirror and thinks, "Wow." One then walks away from the mirror feeling overwhelmed, depressed, and in search of the whoopie pies that your daughter was making the other day. It seems easier to stuff our faces for comfort than actually figure a way out of your rut. Well, this winter, I had enough of the rut.

Anyone who lives in Vancouver knows that the rain can be constant. If it isn't raining, its gloomy or about to rain. Sometimes it rains sideways, other times it can be so loud that it sounds as though your roof will come crashing in. Unless you have a gym pass, you don't get out much. This winter, the rain threatened to eat me alive. I was getting so down in the dumps that I knew I either had to see a doctor about depression or get out of the house. I choose to get out of the house.

I downloaded Couch to 5K 8 weeks ago. This is an app for my iPhone that helps you get your fat butt off the couch and begin a running program. I began this program as a way to fill my day, get some exercise, and alleviate the feelings of gloom. I've began running before, only to stop as soon as the shin splints would kick in or my built in lazy gene took over. This time, for whatever reason and most likely due to the app, I managed to keep going.

Couch to 5K takes you through a cycle that breaks you in slowly. You run for 30 seconds, walk for a minute, and so on. Each week you go further and run more. The app mixes up your runs, so that you don't feel bored or expect the same thing day in and day out. With ear phones plugged in, it tells you when to start and stop, and even gives you the option of tweeting your results (I choose not to tweet).

Perhaps it was the challenge. It becomes almost like a game. As each day ticked by and I completed the run, I became really interested in going again. Given the break in pace, I never had shin splints. I can also credit the shoes that I purchased from my husband. Zoot makes a great pair of running shoes. I've never had a pair that comfortable and more suited for my big, flat feet.

I'm on the end of week 7 of the 9 week program, and I can say that I am now well and truly addicted to running. This app makes it so easy to get out there, that even people with fat butts and a plethora of children in tow can do it. I have my three older kids ride their bikes, and I run with my toddler in a Mountain Equipment Coop jogging stroller. I was so determined to get out there and run though, that I was hitting the track with a double stroller and a pissed off baby.

In short, Couch to 5K does exactly what it says it will. It gets you off the couch and turns you into a runner. 8 weeks ago I never thought I would run for 25 minutes without falling over. Now I can do it and still walk after.

Exercising every day has saved my sanity this year. What they say about releasing endorphins is true. If you need a pick me up, get off the couch and go for a run. You won't feel better overnight, but you definitely will feel as though you joined the human race again.

Embace your messy self housewives: What you must and must not clean

2011-03-16T13:30:00.000-07:00

I am a clean person stuck in a house full of extremely messy people. This is a major source of angst for me. Why you may ask? Well, for starters, whenever I sit down to work I am surrounded by paper products. Cut out images of Ben 10, pieces of scotch tape stuck to the hardwood, and just today, a piece of gum wedged in the crack of the floor.

And the toys! There are toys EVERYWHERE. Handy Manny's head is somewhere in the corner (I swear I haven't tried to analyze my child for ripping his head off and casually tossing it) , Buzz Lightyear lies face down on his buttons on the couch, causing him to talk and move his head so that it looks like evil is sprouting from the throw pillows. Even the fish tank is not exempt from mess. I fished three toy cars out of it yesterday, although I'm sure the fish were delighted in suddenly acquiring a Hummer.

Amidst such a mess all the time, I can do one of two things.

A.) I can clean all day every day. Pro: My house would be clean. Con: I would spend all day cleaning, and I think cleaning is one of the most soul sucking actions you can perform on a daily basis. Its right up there with constant rain and shopping in Costco on a Saturday. It drains your spirit.

B.) I can clean selectively. Pro: Parts of my house would be clean. Con: I would need to turn a blind eye to the other parts. This requires me to wear ski googles as I walk throughout the house each day. Lucky for me, ski goggles are plentiful in my garage, but they scare the baby who has no idea who I am and frankly, they are itchy.

This leaves me with a conundrum. Obviously I am going to choose Plan B, because I'd rather have a half messy house than have my soul and my passion emptied down the sink along with the drain-o that may or may not dissolve the action figure that my son put down there. But in choosing Plan B, I have to decide what NOT to clean.This list could go on all day, and who has time for such things. Rather than focus on the NOT-cleanables, I will state what you absolutely must clean:

Pets - Creatures that are alive and living in your home must be cleaned. If they need bathing, bathe them. If their litter box stinks to high heaven, clean it out. I never scoop the poop because I always leave it too long. Rather, I take everything in a plastic bag and I dump that crap straight into the garbage can. I also have fish, which I manage to neglect for at least a week longer than I should. Our poor Betta 'Ben 10' looks at me forlornly each morning as he dances for food, so he isn't as easy to ignore as the 40 gallon aquarium. When it gets stanky, I clean it.
Your fridge - It is simple to ignore the fridge. After all, we stuff it with food that will cover up the shelves so we can't see how messy it is. Unfortunately, if you ignore your fridge for too long, the leftovers that you have shoved to the back will start to take on life. And as we've said here today, if it lives you must clean it. Imagine how disgusting it is to find that your toddler cracked an egg that somehow managed to get itself under the fruit crisper. You wrongly blamed the apples, until you discover that you had a colony of something living under the bin. It was a sad day in bacteria history when I wiped that one out.
Your floor - I used to have carpet. When we first moved into the house and everything was brand spanking new, I would vacuum pretty lines into the rug every single day. The vacuum would be plugged up with new carpet fiber, which just made me more determined to keep it sparkling. Flash forward 5 years later, and after potty training two boys who decided that the rug was certainly safer than the actual potty, my carpet was toast. Out it came, to be replaced with pretty hardwood. And now I can't ignore the floor. I invested in a steam mop to make it easier, and I can say that this is the only part of cleaning that I enjoy. That steam mop just makes stains disappear. Its bliss, despite the fact that you can sometime see the tracks of mop around the toys that I leave on the floor.

The key to staying sane when you are a clean person living amongst the mess? Embrace it! Embrace your messy self! Don't beat yourself up (or the others around you) for their inability to keep your house as clean as you'd like it.You can use my mantra if you like:

Do what you can.

And I have a set of ski googles somewhere around here if you want to borrow them.

How to Trademark: 5 minutes to deciding whether Trademarking is for you

2011-02-25T12:43:00.000-08:00

My pretty trademark that most likely cost me $2000

If you are a mom (or a dad, parent, what have you) that owns your own business, the thought of trademarking your name will have crossed your mind. You might have seen another competing business using a name similar to yours. Or, you have direct competition that you feel you can dust if only you own the name of your company. Whether your motivation be suing the pants off of a rival that is irritating you or protecting a business name you have rightfully grown, you want a Trademark and you want one now. Yet I continue to be amazed at the lack of knowledge out there for Trademarking. Judging by the types of questions I am asked, it is clear that many people don't know the differences between a Trademark, Copyright, and Patents.

A trade-mark is a word (or words), a design, or a combination of these, used to identify the goods or services of one person or organization.

I'd call this tutorial "Trademarking for Dummies," but the words "For Dummies" is trademarked and I don't want to be sued. (Also see my future article "How to survive being counter-sued", because that happened to me too)

Trademarking is one of the single most misunderstood parts of owning a business. I will never forget receiving an email from a friend who said:

"Hey, can you trademark my name, thanks".
Um, ok. I'm going to need some clarification here. I emailed back, asking exactly what she meant.

She replied, "You know, copyright it. Let me know when its done. Ok, thanks."

Now for someone who has no idea what obtaining a trademark entails, this may seem like a fairly simple exchange. But I've been through the ringer of trademarking so to speak, and there are three things you should know right off the bat.

Its expensive: The application to trademark you business name or logo will cost you a minimum of $250 if you submit online. If you submit through another way, such a trademark lawyer or one of the online services, you are looking at anywhere from $300 to $1500 to apply. Once you have been approved, it will cost you another $250 minimum to register it formally. If it does not become approved for whatever reason (someone opposes it, it is too close in name to another registered trademark), you are out your original $250. There is no refund window at the Trademark office.

Its time consuming - Just filling out the application is time consuming. Once you fill out the application, you can expect to wait up to a year for the trademark to be published in the Trademark Journal. If no one opposes your use of the trademark after it is advertised, you will be asked to submit the final registration form. For me, it took three years from start to finish. Some businesses don't even operate for three years, so you should be sure of what your future plans are before filing.

You need to be on the ball to cover everything - You have to be sure you cover all of the contingencies. For example, are you going to be using the name for just your business or a possible line of products? You better have all of the clothes, soaps, baby things, to which you plan on using it covered, or you could be in trouble down the road. For an idea as to what I put on my application, look at the pretty and ultra expensive registered trademark I own: Kidswap

Just like George Costanza, you will succeed if you do the opposite of what I did: Trademark law firms are plentiful online and off. After some research you may feel tempted to just hand over the reins of your application to a firm. I would advise against this, unless you have a lot of money to burn and/or you have a really complicated application. I was royally taken by a Trademark firm which shall remain nameless. This was way back in the day when I didn't realize that every single time a lawyer picks up the phone, it costs you a lot of money. I had called a trademark lawyer for advice at one point. They helped me with my application, and that was all I required. One of the lawyers from the firm took it upon themselves to call me three months later to 'check in'. I thought it was a just a nice chat, until I received a bill in the mail for $800. Avoid trademark firms and save yourself a lot of cash by researching it yourself.

If you are in the market for a Trademark, I recommend doing some research on Google. You will find many links to companies that will process your trademark for $399, (you know now that the do-it-yourself fee is $250) but you still do all of the work on the application. Steer clear and keep your money in the bank.

If you have more questions, I'm happy to help.

How to Change a Diaper

2011-02-13T14:01:00.000-08:00

If you like funny, check out a new website by some guys at Funny or Die. Its called The Content Farm, and for people who focus on quality writing, its hilarious. It made me laugh even harder, because I recently signed up for Demand Studios. And in the same day, I removed myself from the site. As a freelancer, I keep my options open, so I thought I'd apply and try it out. I also thought it might be fun to write for LiveStrong, because I am an avid road biking enthusiast. Apparently, when writing for demand studios, you need to prove yourself first. A plethora of subjects for eHow were my only choice, including how to fix a fly wheel on a tractor. Now I am well known for my ability to research, but that one was a bit out of my level of comprehension. Also, I don't want to spend over 4 hours researching something to only make $15.
And so, in honor of The Content Farm and content mills everywhere, here is my take on:

How to Change a Diaper

You don't need a license to have a baby, which is really too bad in many respects. You've weighed the pros and cons of which baby necessities to buy and discovered that the one thing you can't really do without is diapers. Unfortunately for you, you have no idea how to change a diaper. This is how you change a diaper:
Steps:

Get a hold of a baby: This could be your baby or a borrowed baby. Avoid borrowing babies from people who don't know you are borrowing them. You will end up in jail. Please see my How To article on "How to protect yourself when jailed for kidnapping".
Determine that the current diaper needs changing: A strong indicator of a diaper in need of changing is a:) When it is hanging down in a soggy fashion between the child's legs, or b:) a strong, ripe odor is emitting from said child's current diaper. You may also see a trail of color seeping out of the diaper if you've waited too long or the eruption was particularly volcanic.
Place the child on his or her back: Laying the child down, remove the old diaper and wrap it up with the tabs. You may wish to use a ventilation mask for this step, as the fumes can be strong and overwhelming.
Wipe away the remaining mess: Don't be cheap. Huggies and Pampers sell baby wipes for a reason. Toilet paper will only leave you sticky fingered and dry dabbing. Consider that you will spend much more in antibacterial hand wash if you opt out of baby wipes.
Place the new diaper underneath the child's bottom: At this point, be sure that the tabs are underneath the child's backside and that the diaper is placed the right way. Diaper manufacturers have added colorful characters and artful cartoon displays to the front side of the diaper. They say this is to make the diaper more appealing to children, but let's face it, the kid doesn't care as long as he or she doesn't have poop running down their legs. No, this is sort of a feature for parents, a "Put it on the right way for dummies." Look for the Elmo, he won't steer you wrong.
Secure the tabs: Open one tab and place it over Elmo. Open the other tab and do the same. See, this diaper changing thing is easy.
Sit back and bask in your accomplishment: You will have between 5 minutes to 2 hours before you need to change another diaper. You will begin to feel more confident in your assessment and changing skills as time goes on.

Tips:

Resist the urge to place your face near the child's bottom. You may see others doing this 'sniff test' in order to guage whether or not the child has voided, but it can backfire. See my How To article on how to cleanse fecal matter from your glasses.
Always keep a diaper on a newborn baby boy. Their internal sprinkler system is set to high.
Be aware of volcanic eruptions that can occur when the child is having their diaper changed. In much the same way that a shift can occur in the earth's tectonic plates, so can a powerful push occur when changing a diaper.

What's luck got to do with being a good writer? Pretty much everything

2011-02-08T13:29:00.000-08:00

Do you have dreams? I have many different kinds of dreams.

For one, I'd like a small acreage located near where I live now. It should have a house with a wrap around porch and a bench for me to sit on and watch the world go by. It should have a metal gate for keeping the kids in, and a small barn in the back for any animals I may attempt to own. I'd also like a spot for my parents to have a mobile home, just so I could see them more than once every 2 years. The land should have enough room for my husband to grab his excavator and build some dirt jumps for him and the kids.

Yet another dream? I'd like to write a few books and have them published. Nothing crazy. I'm not shooting for the New York best seller list, but to be able to make a decent income doing what I love is a dream of mine. Not only because I have four kids to raise, but because I love writing.

Neither of these dreams are unobtainable. To get the house, I just need to find a job and/or a steady stream of gigs to supplement our current income. Writing the book is a bit harder. I have quite a few ideas, just no time beyond my current family and writing gigs to actually start. I'd also have to say that I'm sort of afraid to go there, but that is an entirely different post.

I've viewed my life as a sort of ladder. Since I've started writing I've taken it one rung at a time. One job led to another, which led to another, and as my confidence in my writing has grown so has my desire to go beyond what I have already accomplished. I've written for some very amazing clients, and I'm happy to continue doing just that. But on another level, I need to take it one step further. In the immortal words of Walt Disney:

A person should set his goals as early as he can and devote all his energy and talent to getting there. With enough effort, he may achieve it. Or he may find something that is even more rewarding. But in the end, no matter what the outcome, he will know he has been alive.

Which leads me to something I have been pondering. What does luck have to do with advancing your writing career? If you asked me, I'd have to say a lot. I read a book once called "Lucky or Smart: Secrets to an Entrepreneurial Life" by Bo Peabody. It didn't change my life, but it certainly made me realize that I could be a prolific writer and if no one ever gave me a chance? I could go back to bagging groceries at the local Save On or just really focus on cleaning up after the kids for a change.

Isn't luck really about being in the right place at the right time? No matter if its who you tweet or whether you send in an query to an editor who is just looking for that topic, luck is basically when the Universe aligns and points its big finger at you and says, Today is YOUR DAY!

Yes, you should probably start with a basic talent, but I've seen some severely untalented writers take it to the next level and beyond. Case in point: Perez Hilton. If you look at it in a writing perspective, his success defies the imagination. Yet he is a famous blogger/writer and let's face it, he dresses much better than I do. Lauren Conrad wrote one best selling fiction novel called LA Candy. Her claim to fame? The Hills, an annoying 'reality' show that most likely has given every single girl a complex at one time or another. There are better writers out there, with sharp witted jabs and the ability to make you laugh or cry with the single twist of a synonym, yet they fester in obscurity. Why? The lucky break has not happened for them yet.

What does luck have to do with writing? I'd say everything. I read all of the books/blogs/news I can handle, and I make a point of writing something every single day. At some point or another, if I never receive a lucky break, I'll just be blogging into the abyss.

What do you think?

In the meantime: Getting through your day when you are running on empty

2011-01-21T10:14:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, things hit your mailbox or your inbox at the exact right time.

Twice in the past two days, I have been reminded that the universe is guiding me with its large finger and giving me a leg up when I need it. Case in point: This morning, after another long and sleepless night with the 18 month old, I opened up my Today's Parent that arrived yesterday. What do I find? An editorial and article on how parents are dealing with lack of sleep in their houses. It wasn't about how to get your kid to sleep (let's face it, my kid will sleep through the night when he feels like it and not a moment before. I am projecting he will be 6, like his brother). The article was how they dealt with it in their house. One mother used a 46 inch TV (novel idea, and I don't blame her a bit), another used bottles (she shouldn't feel bad, my daughter was over 4 before I could pry that bottle out of her fingers. Don't tell her dentist).

I admire these women, I truly do. They have been to that dark and lonely place that you can only go to when you get woken up 5 or 6 times a night. Or in my case, 5 times before midnight and awake between 3 am and 5 am. I will admit I have cried on many occasions since my youngest was born. I will admit I cried early this morning. Its nothing to be ashamed of. Not sleeping is hard.

I will continue to make my best effort to get him to sleep, but I have concluded that I won't be sleeping blissfully anytime soon. And as this lack of sleep has affected my parenting, my house (when you see your house through barely open eyes, it really does look cleaner. Go ahead, try it. Squint a little. You'll think Martha Stewart moved in and fixed you right up), and my relationships, I need to muddle through any way I can.

The only thing I feel that was left out of the Today's Parent article was how to get through the day. What I mean is, what are some expert strategies for getting by on a severe lack of sleep? No matter whether you divide your time between kids, carpooling and computer all day like I do, or you have a dedicated 9 to 5 job (plus the above mentioned kids and carpooling), how do you get by on no sleep?

I'm not sleeping, that much is clear. In the meantime, here's how I (and maybe you) can get by:

Coffee: I wrote a blog post once about the different types of coffee that can wake you up. I stand by my research and results, but the key thing I have learned about coffee since then? Don't drink too much. Your ears will start to ache and by 3 pm it will have a counter effect. If your body is feeling like you are shutting down, don't down another cup of coffee. It will only make your head fuzzy, your stomach upset, and perhaps your ears will start bleeding. I haven't discovered whether that is actually happening to me, or if it just really feels that way.
Stick your head outside and get some fresh air. Take ten deep breaths and wait five minutes. This really works. I always feel revived. Perhaps I have no oxygen in my house.
Jump up and down while listening to music. Go all Jane Fonda on yourself. Added bonus: Your kids will think its fun too. When I've been really desperate, I've put on Elvis at top volume and the kids run around screaming. Its hard to be tired and/or crabby when Elvis is on.
Talk on the phone. Get someone on the phone who understands your dilemma and discuss something interesting other than sleeping and your children. Focusing on topics that get your brain working can wake you up, because let's face it, your brain is most likely trained to wonder who made that puddle on the floor and whether you can convince your 5 year old that the same old mac and cheese is actually Buzz Lightyear's space food.

I live in a climate where it rains much of the time. I have a husband who travels for work. I work from home in addition to raising four children. When I don't sleep for 18 months at a time, I'm really scaling a wall in search of some semblance of sanity.

As I've stated, I don't believe I will be sleeping anytime soon, but in the meantime I will continue to use the above mentioned wake up calls and avoid watching Handy Manny. Why? Because when I'm really tired, Mr.Lopart and his fluffy cat really get on my nerves.

Have a Happy Friday

The Real Housewives of the Lower Mainland

2011-01-19T13:51:00.000-08:00

Truly, I can say that I have never, ever, watched the Real Housewives of any State. From what I gather, these women are rich (or at least spend money like they are), bored, and potentially unstable. That being said, perhaps they are just really nice people and the producers build up the drama in order to gain ratings. TV brings out the weird in some people.

As a TV veteran (ha ha), I do believe that there should be a show based on wives in the Lower Mainland. Why? Well, why not? I heard there was a show based on a local hair salon. I'm not sure how that could be very exciting. Most of us have the same haircut, and the general consensus is that our flat irons are at least 3 or 4 years old. Not a lot of turn over in the hair department.

The Real Housewives of the Lower Mainland. This could be more dramatic, and have MORE CLEANING. Honestly, what more could you ask for?

Fade In: The room is dim. Lamps are turned on but the light isn't getting through the curtains. That's probably because there isn't that much light trying to get in. The clouds have rolled in and rain is pounding the windows.

Its Monday. 9 am. The room is empty, except for one loan woman bending down over a steam mop. She's struggling to get the cover off, and near her feet is a pile that looks suspiciously grey and foamy. Yup, the cat yakked up a Mouse again, and it was at that specific moment the steam mop decided to give up the ghost. Pan around to the woman beating the steam mop with a ladle, and trying to not look at the pile in fear she will vomit. Does she throw up? Does she end up cleaning it? Tune in to find out!

Fade in: Another living room. This room is filled with white light and furniture, but there are kids running amok through the kitchen and there is laundry in small piles all over the place. The woman is picking up laundry piles and putting them back down again, almost robot like. Just as soon as one pile of laundry is put away, another pile magically appears. Overwhelmed, she puts down the socks and picks up here iPhone.Will the kids get fed? What app is so interesting that it takes her away from her laundry pile?

And so on, and so on. Isn't it riveting? Think of the product placements! Think of the episode where the housewives take all of the kids to Chuckee Cheese and promptly lose their babies in the back kitchens because they are too busy fending off Chuckee as he walks around goosing everyone.

I'd watch this show, even if I wasn't on it! Why? Because at least its real and its easy to relate too.
Or I'd at least help them write it. Maybe I should just buy a good camera and film it myself.

Happy Wednesday!

Update to the portfolio

2011-01-05T14:21:00.000-08:00

Anyone who really knows me knows that I love all things Disney. Recently I have begun writing exclusive copy for App316.com, a web development company that creates apps for the iTunes store. Specifically, my copy is being placed on Mousewait.com. Take a peek at my most recent travel articles:

Secrets behind Disneyland Candy Canes
Recapture Christmas Magic at Disneyland

I've never actually been to Disneyland at Christmas, and I enjoyed researching and creating these articles.

Stuck for a Christmas gift? Send them an iTunes Christmas app

2010-12-18T10:39:00.000-08:00

I love apps. I have apps on my iPad and apps on my iPhone. I spend hours searching through the app store, just for the fun of it. Normal apps are fun, Christmas apps are even better!
In no random order, here are a few of my best pics for Christmas apps this Holiday season. The best part? They are all .99 cents. Send a few gifts through the iTunes app store this year, just because you are awesome. Or just give them to yourself, because these are great ways to while away time while hiding in your closet just to get away from your relatives.

Video Calls with Santa - You know that point kids hit before Christmas, where they are done being good and the horns come out? Fighting, not cleaning up after themselves, just generally being naughty? There's an app for that! Video Calls with Santa lets you call Santa on your iPhone. There is a number to call for when they are naughty, nice, and even voice mail. It had the potential to be cheesy, but this app really works. You let them talk to Santa, and when they are done you tap the screen. Santa then keeps talking. It was .99 cents, and so far I have broke up 4 fights and received the festive gift of a clean playroom out of it. Rating: 3 Dings and an extra Ding just because its Santa

Cut the Rope - This is a very fun game, even for the kids. My kids basically took away the iPad and came back when they beat it. So maybe not such a good thing if you like your iPad. Rating: Two Dings, and a thumbs up for Omnomnom because he's cute

Hamster Holidays for iPhone and iPad - This is so cute. Much in the same way that Jingle Cats meow their way through Christmas carols, these little festive hamsters use bells. You can either play along or listen as they chime their bells. Not a lot of substance here, but its only a buck, so why not? Rating: Two Dings, because it must have been difficult to get those hamsters to wear those hats and pose for that picture.

EA is having a sale right now. Many of their board games are 90% off. I just grabbed Boggle, Tetris, Pictureka, and Monopoly. All for .99 cents. I love playing board games on the iPad. Scrabble is a huge hit in my house, and you can't argue with a board game for a dollar. Really, just think of the hours of entertainment it will give Grandpa this Christmas. Give him your phone to play with instead of your TV remote control. Rating: EA Rocks. 3 Dings for posting a Christmas sale

As I still have a lot of work to do before Christmas and I normally only blog when inspiration strikes, I will wish you a Merry Christmas and see you in the New Year!

Happy Holidays!

Saving money on Christmas gifts this holiday season

2010-12-03T11:08:00.000-08:00

Is it truly possible to save money at Christmas time? Its so easy to get into the mood to spend money, what with children begging for toys and festively decorated windows just begging you to drop your credit card off and the door and go crazy. I'm not going to tell you not to spend your money, because at Christmas that would be pretty silly advice. What I will share with you is a few tips I've picked up along the way to save you some money when Christmas shopping. These are specific to Canadians, simply because our economy is different than that of the USA, and also specific to buying toys, because that is what is on my mind today:

Shop online: Yes, I know that most of you shop online, but I've seen quite a few people who get consistently shop online and do not know how to save money. Sign up for newsletters and coupon blasts from Disney.com and ToysRUs.com. Granted it is super annoying to get a new email advertising their sales every single day, but occasionally there is a real gem in there. Frequent these sites every single day, and you will be rewarded with better savings.
Ship USA: Most people simply click the button that says "Ship to my Home" without thinking. Don't do that. If you live near a border city, you can take advantage of domestic USA shipping. For example, Vancouver is located near the Washington border, so many of us have mailboxes in the USA. Big websites often give out free shipping when you purchase over a certain limit. Simply cross the border and pick up your packages. It generally costs about $5 to pick up a box from a company that provides shipping. It is a bit more hassle than having it arrive at your door, but the money you save makes it worth it.
Visit resale shops: If you have little people, say under the age of 5 for example, you can score great stuff that has been gently used in a resale shop. A specific example of a great place to shop for cool toys is Toy Traders in Langley, BC. You can also look through Craigslist for great deals. Big ticket items, such as Train Tables or Play Kitchens are often barely used, so grab one of these and stuff it under your tree this year.

I only blog when inspiration strikes, and today I was inspired to help you save money. Have a happy holiday!

The 3 important things I've learned from freelancing on Odesk.com

2010-11-18T10:18:00.000-08:00

Although I spend most of my day chasing after small children, I have also been a freelance writer for the past two years. I discovered a love of writing when I was very young, but never thought of it as an actual talent until I was in my 30's.

I'd like to think that I can write fiction, but I tend to be a very non-fiction oriented writer. I'm slightly jealous of those who can just whip off a story that keeps me up until 2 am, but I know my own strengths. I write articles, press releases, blurbs, app reviews: You name it, I've done it. I haven't even updated my portfolio with as much as I could, but it is safe to say that I write something new every single day.

I started freelancing on Odesk, and because people ask me about it so often, I'd like to share a few things about working on there.

First of all, for those who aren't familiar with Odesk.com, it is a website that allows freelancers (like myself) to search for jobs (that people post). I had some history with freelancing websites (I was the employer, and it was NOT a good experience), so I was a touch leery of Odesk in the beginning. Fortunately, I was just being paranoid, and I have enjoyed over 2 successful years freelance writing on there. I have a spotless, 5 star profile, and I really work to keep it that way.

I've learned a lot along the way, but here are 3 of the most important lessons I've learned on Odesk:

Start Small: I cannot emphasize this enough. I don't know how many profiles that I've seen with people who say they are freelance writers, yet have no feedback, have not taken an Odesk test, and have nothing in their portfolio. Oh yes, and these are the people who are asking for $25 -$30 per hour. Unfortunately, you just can't do that. I started freelancing at $9.00 per hour, and I did this because I knew that I had to work at it, get experience, and slowly up my rate as my portfolio grew. Yes, you may be the best writer out there, but why should an employer simply trust that. You need to prove yourself, just like in any other job.
Act like a professional: I have a background in customer service. I know how to treat people, and it never mattered to me that they were 'virtual' people that I had never met. If someone contracts me for a job, I bend over backward to ensure that they have the best writing and that I meet the deadline. If they aren't happy, I will rewrite over and over again until its right. I never take on a job that I can't complete, and I will often offer up ideas or thoughts on their posting. Sometimes an extra pair of eyes really helps complete a project, so I never feel like I'm overstepping when I go the extra mile.
Know that you can say No: When I first started freelancing, I never said no to a single project. I took on everything and anything, including editing a video that honestly made me want to tear my hair out. I spent Christmas one year editing a website for a client and I ended up making about $5 per hour when all was said and done. Once I had built a portfolio, I decided not to take on any projects that I didn't want to do, no matter what they offered. Instead, I focus on my strengths. I write excellent press releases, can whip off a non-fiction ebook with ease, and enjoy researching and writing articles. I also focus on those areas that I am trying to grow, like query letters and honing a pitch.

In my own experience, Odesk has been an excellent platform from which to grow a freelancing business. I have clients from all over the globe, and I wouldn't have even had confidence in my writing if it wasn't for Odesk.

If you have any questions, comments, feel free to ask! For an idea of what its like to write on Odesk, take a peek at my profile: http://www.odesk.com/users/~~da6a26f678fa354e

Your gonna need a shoe horn - 3 things that are great for post-Halloween, pre-Christmas muffin top

2010-11-09T10:40:00.000-08:00

The room is dark, with just a bit of light peeking through the plaid squares on the curtains. I am staring at the pillow case that is dropped half haphazardly in the corner of the room. It is staring back at me.

Normally, pillow cases don't have personalities in this house. They remain on the pillows in some cases, and in others they end up crumpled in the corner of the room. Possibly, they were a backdrop for some epic Star Wars action figures battles. This pillow case, the one that is staring at me, is full of candy. Therefore it has a personality.

I know the reason I had children was for Halloween candy. Around 12 or 13 you outgrow trick or treating, and then you have to spend the next 10 or 15 years pretending that the tiny bags of chocolate bars and fuzzy peach slices are actually for handing out on Halloween. No matter that you may have been living in your parents house, and the only person knocking on the door to your bedroom for treats is your cat. If you spent some time actually eating your way through a bag of candy, you'd feel horribly guilty because you know you shouldn't do that.

Halloween candy comes without guilt. That pillow case in the corner is a big old bag of chocolaty guilt free goodness. And I'm going to eat it up while they are at school, but not before I talk about muffin top.

Muffin top. Such a lovely concept. For those who may not know what a muffin top is, its the wonderful addition to your stomach that comes with having multiple children. Yes, some women who have only had one child have muffin top, but this was not the case with me. No, I had to have four kids, just to try it all out and see if it would happen. And it did. Such fun.

Muffin top is most noticeable when you shoe horn your body into jeans that might have fit when you were say, 21? Your top overflows like the top of a big ol' muffin. This problem is only amplified by your choice in Tshirts. Maybe that sparkly slim fit tshirt made out of glorious organic cotton caught your eye. Yes, its a bit tight around the middle, but it looks great right? Sure, pair it with of your skinny jeans and viola, muffin top! Don't be in denial like the contestants on American Idol: Instead of just accepting the muffin top, fight against it by choosing your clothing wisely.

To disguise your muffin top, you could avoid slim tops, grab a pair of Spanx, and get a damn good pair of jeans:

Spanx - The woman that invented Spanx knew what she was doing. Great product, and it really works. In the summer it feels as though you are encased in heavy tar paper or plastic, but wow, you look good.
Old Navy jeans - Yes, the mecca of denim and children's clothing with numbers on it came to Canada a few years back, and they brought some jeans that actually fit properly. Look for the lower cut versions and avoid the skinny and ultra skinny jeans. You will look like Gingy from Shrek when he exploded out of the oven. Boot cut is best, with a bit of stretch.
The Gap jeans - Old Navy is owned by Gap, and although Gap is possibly the more expensive of the two, they have great jeans for muffin top. Try the 1969 line if you can find them, and remember, if you wear low cut jeans, you can hide a big belly better by avoiding tight tshirts. (Can you say that three times?? Big Belly Better, Big Belly Better, ah, nuts, no I can't).

The common theme here? Avoid jeans that are too small and don't wear tshirts that are too tight. Did you ever wonder why our moms or your friends moms would wear those horrific house dresses? (And on a side note, can you believe they still sell those? Perhaps there are still some housewives out there who do nothing but run a feather duster along the coffee table and watch soap operas while eating bon bons?).

Back to that bag of candy. Its still staring at me, but now that I've written about muffin top for 20 minutes I think I'll just whack it over the head with a hammer and quietly put it away in the closet. I may have had children just for the chocolate, but I don't have to eat it.

You've got questions about web sites or computers, I've got answers

2010-10-26T21:49:00.000-07:00

I can't even begin to describe how many times a week I am getting asked computer questions these days. Although I have never thought of myself as an expert in anything, I seem to have some knowledge about computers (I prefer Mac), web sites (Oy, don't get me started), and even other things that have a 'Six Degrees of Separation" type of association to web sites and computers. These types of things are:

Trademarks, patents, and copyrights - I own one of the former, the middle doesn't apply to me, and the latter is a joke. Yet, I do know how to do the paperwork, what to avoid, and how much its going to cost you.
Email - Why did your email program crash and say you are out of memory? Yes, I know this.
Search engine optimization - I know a thing or two about SEO. Most of it I've learned on the job.
Web hosting - Ah yes, I know all about web hosting.
Suing people - I've tried my hand at suing, and I've won.

So, this leads me to this weeks blog post. If you have questions about any of these things, however inane you might think that question is, ask me here or email me. I'm happy to answer. By asking you'll give me some help as well, as I am researching a series of articles on these very topics and trying to gauge exactly what people are interested in finding out.

Consider this free tech help, and if you can't think of a question now, ask me later. I'm always here or on Twitter.

3 types of coffee that will wake you up after a sleepless night with your kid(s)

2010-10-19T18:43:00.000-07:00

Children are beautiful little creatures. They can also be nasty little people who keep you awake all night. The reasons are plentiful:

Teething - I'm sure this is God's joke on moms, just to be sure they don't populate too quickly.
Colds - I find if they wake up 6 times, sniffling and sneezing before midnight, its going to be a rough ride for the rest of the evening.
Flus - I truly hate the flu, and it never ceases to amaze me how children can stretch from the toilet to the bathtub when necessary. Like that elastic superhero guy whose name I can't recall because he is far inferior to Iron Man. When the kids are, ahem, seated, I direct their heads into the tub. Two portals for catching the goods. To avoid an all-nighter, I recommend rectal Gravol. Despite how unpleasant it is to administer to a child who is screaming, "NOT MY BUM!!", it really works.
General Sleeplessness - This is a good one, because there is nothing specifically wrong with the child. I've been going through this for the past year, and its a struggle. This kid likes to wake up a 2 am just for fun, and he will hang out until 4 am if you let him.

I love my children, and it is because of my babies that I also have developed a love for coffee. I managed to obtain a degree from University without drinking a drop of coffee. Of course, I was able to have 3 hour naps when I wanted them. Pardon me for a moment while my eyes mist over as I remember those lovely, lovely naps. SIGH.

As my two older kids can testify, they have come to know the rules about talking to mommy before the coffee maker has created its secret brew. I've been doing this sleepless night thing for almost 9 years, so I know a thing or two about coffee. In no particular order, let me share with you my top three for reviving my sagging spirit after a sleepless night with my kids.

Starbucks - I'm not talking about the froo froo beverages like double vanilla lattes with soy milk whatevers. I do like those, but they don't jolt me awake the way a tall Venti drip does. There is something wonderful in Starbucks drip coffee. You are also a very lucky person if you get to drink it IN the Starbucks, which I never do. I take it from the drive through whilst listening to screaming from the back seat and being pelted with shoes.

Tim Hortons - What sort of addictive drug do the makers of this coffee put in their drip blend? Even after the most sleepless night, and I mean 5 minute snatches of sleep between 1/2 hour wakeups, Tim Hortons will zap me to attention. I've attempted a Tim Horton's marathon during which I drink as many large coffees as I could handle in one day. At some point during that day I developed a nasty ear ache in both ears and crashed, open mouthed on the couch during an episode of The Wiggles. When I woke up my 7 year old said he had thought I was in a coma. So much for caffeine overload.

Dunkin Donuts Turbo Blend - You can't buy this in Canada. We do not have the privilege of having a Dunkin Donuts. I only have access to this secret blend because I am able to cross the border and shop in Washington.
I think it must be contraband or possibly not approved by the FDA. I have snuck into Fred Meyer in Bellingham and purchased a bag here and here, just for those special mornings when my Tinkerbell mug needs refilling about, um, 20 times. The bag provides you with detailed instructions on how to create the super-duber powered drip in your very own coffee maker. It is tasty if made incorrectly. If made the way they instruct, it has rocket fuel capabilities. And therefore so do I.
I believe that it also gives my tongue the ability to grow hair, but I may be mistaken.

I know people who drink tea. Green tea, black tea, herbal concoctions. I also know people who down Monster energy drinks like they are water. I'm happy to simply drink coffee, and as long as my kids are kids, I'll keep drinking it. I imagine when they are teenagers they will drive me to drink other things, so I better enjoy this stage while I can.

How to share technology with your Grandparents OR Beam me up, iPad

2010-09-15T13:30:00.000-07:00

I have two Grandmas. They both live in Saskatchewan, and have lived there all of their lives. My 102 yr old Grandmother recently passed away, so this leaves me with one Grandparent. My Grandma P is what is known as 'Quite the Piece of Work."

My fondest memories are of when we would talk about superstitions. She firmly believed that if you dropped a fork, company would be coming from that direction. If a cat howled under your window at night, it meant there would be a death in the family. If you put your shoes on the table, there might be a death in the family. Yes, it seems silly, but it really affected me. Watch out in my house if you put your shoes on the table. Not only is this unsanitary but I'm immediately concerned for your well being. And don't even come near me if the cat is prowling around outside looking for birds and meows from the back yard at the EXACT moment you put your shoes on the table. This would probably be followed by a few Hail Mary's and a frantic dash for the rosary. No, I'm not religious. This superstition stuff runs deep.

When my brothers would bring those dollar store plastic snakes and spiders to her farm, they'd leave them in strategic places for her to find. When she did find them, much apron flapping and screaming would occur, upon which she'd pronounce the toys "The Devils Work", and we'd laugh hysterically.

This brings me to the iPad. This cute piece of futuristic technology was the topic of a long distance conversation recently. I don't know about you, but I spent many a evening with my parents and/or my Grandma watching Star Trek reruns (or first runs, depending on what year this could possibly have been and the fact that I had no idea what I was watching). At least once per episode, someone would randomly tap at the communicator/hand held computer and either beam someone up or analyze the surface of the planet that they accidentally landed on but was currently populated with hotties (insert scene with Captain Kirk, that sexy beast, and you have my Grandma trying not to swoon over her knitting). Occasionally these shows would prompt a discussion about aliens, and once in awhile we'd focus on that communicator and how people would 'beam up' in the future.

I've had my iPad for awhile, and it occurred to me that Grandma might like to know about it. I don't think she gets the technology gossip in Saskatchewan, because unless Tommy Hunter is still on TV, I don't know what she watches. And so, the conversation went something like this:

Me: Grandma, I have to tell you about this new portable computer I have. You operate it by touching the screen. It plays music and games, and its just like those computers on Star Trek.
Grandma: Eh? I can't hear you
Me: GRANDMA. I HAVE A TOUCH SCREEN COMPUTER, LIKE STAR TREK. I CAN HOLD IT IN MY HAND AND TAP IT.
Grandma: Oh. (Silence)
Me: Its really cool. I'll bring it with me when I come and visit. Its just like Star Trek.
Grandma: Star Trek? You mean you can beam here? Are you here now? Where are you?
Me: Umm, no. I can't beam there. No, its not like that. You can just touch the screen.You know, how we used to talk about what the future would be like? This is just like that computer on Star Trek.
Grandma: God didn't intend for people to beam anywhere. You shouldn't be beaming. That's the devils work.
Me: No one is beaming anywhere. I just think its cool that you don't need a keyboard? *struggling for an explanation here* You can just touch the screen. Tap it and it works.
Grandma: So you aren't here?
Me: No, I'm at home. I'm not there.
Grandma: Sounds like the devils work.

End conversation.

As you can see, there is clearly a generational gap in understand new technology. I could have gotten really technical with it, but I lost her at beaming, so there was no point.

Moral of the story: When explaining new technology such as the iPhone, iPad, and iTouch, please refrain from using references to Star Trek, especially if your Grandparents are of the Religious variety.

The difference between Macs and PCs, as explained to my mom

2010-08-29T21:58:00.000-07:00

My mom is not the most techo savy person you will ever meet. She's 59 now, and the first time she picked up a mouse she literally picked it up and smacked it back down on the mouse pad. I had to restrain her from constantly picking it up to get it to move. When my son was 2, he had better computer skills than my mom has now (he really was amazing, and still is. He was downloading apps before his older brother, and I've trained him to look for the word 'free').

When it came time for my mom and dad to buy a computer, I was the one who did the research for her. She bought a PC from Best Buy. Well, essentially I bought the PC online and had it shipped to her. She managed to put it together.

Since that time, I have done many hours of tech support for my parents. I've done it with no prior knowledge of Windows Vista (which I can't stand, just by proxy), and I'm now more convinced than ever that older people should own a Mac.

My mom asked me why I thought Mac was better, and I began to rattle off about operating systems, system files, and those pesky cab files where viruses can hide on a Windows computer. Her reply?

Huh?

So I guess I went over her head a bit there. Then it hit me, the easiest way to explain Mac's vs. PC's is to say this:

Imagine a pond. It's a clear pond, and you can see right to the bottom.

Imagine the pond is a Mac computer. All of the programs you install are shaped like leaves. Throw the leaves on the pond. See how they float? They never sink, and they just float along the surface of the pond.

Do you want to remove one of the programs? Ok, just pick up the leaf. Pick it up and toss it away. See, no more leaf, no more program. Nothing left over, its all just gone. Isn't your pond beautiful? And so easy to keep looking beautiful too! Such a lovely, high definition pond.

Now, imagine that the pond is a PC. Instead of leaves, the programs are tiny handfuls of rocks.

Throw the rocks in the pond. Watch them sink to the bottom. You can still see the rocks, right? And if you threw them in the same spot, most of them will be relatively close to each other.

Now try to remove a program. Get down into the bottom of that pond and dig for those rocks. You might think you had all of the rocks, but wait, there is another one over there. Stupid rocks flew all over the place when you threw them in. Dig under that pile of sand for the missing rock. Got it!

Oh oh, you took out an extra few rocks when you were digging. No, that wasn't just excess fish crap, that was an important rock. Now the pond is acting all wonky. Bubbles are coming up from under the sand, and those are some stinky, stinky bubbles.

Get the picture?

My mom sure did. I'm shopping online for her first Mac now.

Disney's Grand Californian Hotel - My personal review

2010-08-28T14:09:00.000-07:00

The year was 1978 and I was 7 years old. I had just flown (back when you could smoke on airplanes, I remember there was a haze the entire time!) from Saskatchewan in the dead of winter with my parents and brothers for a family trip to Disneyland.

I remember walking into the lobby of the Disneyland Hotel and just being awe struck. It seemed so huge, with its palm trees and pillars. We stayed in a bungalow off the pool area, and although my mom says that the pool was empty, I remember lying out on the chairs and suntanning. The trams would pull up right to the hotel, and you could see Disneyland from way across the parking lot. We took the monorail once, but my mom preferred the tram for some reason.

The pool area from one of the upper decks

I've been to Disneyland many, many times since then, but we never stayed in a hotel on site. It was always prohibitively expensive, and although I knew it would be amazing, I just couldn't reason out the expenditure. This time though, was different. To celebrate ten years of marriage, my wonderful husband gifted me with a 5 night stay at the Grand Californian Resort at Disneyland. (BTW, I was not given compensation for this review, although if there are any Disney execs out there that need a writer, I'm here!)

We had what was possibly our best trip there ever, despite the fact that I have four kids in tow, and the reason was entirely the hotel. Yes, there were nit picky little things that I could harp on, but the fact is you pay for the experience of being there, and that alone was worth it.

First off, the location is ridiculous. You walk out the private entrance straight into California Adventure. The Grizzy River Ride was right in front of my room, and I could see Soaring over California and the fireworks every night from my deck. Sitting on that deck, I felt like I was IN the park, even when I wasn't. Because you have a private entrance, you can get Fast Passes for the World Of Color before the general gates of the park open. Downtown Disney is just off the side entrance. We spent many nights just walking around there.

We took a day off and spent a lot of time in the hotel. One afternoon the kids went on a Scavenger hunt. At the end of it, the prize was a Mickey Cookie from the White Water Cafe. Every afternoon there is a story teller that reads bedtime stories to the kids in front of the fire, and there is a little waiting area for the kids to watch cartoons while you check in or out. If you were tucking your kids into bed each night, you can watch Disney TV and have a princess read a story to the kids. We saw an episode where Cinderella read, as well as one with Belle. They also have channels that go through each attraction one by one, as well as broadcast the fireworks music.

Although the room itself was on the small side, there was a queen bed with super comfy linens and a bunk bed with a trundle bed at the bottom. The bunk will sleep three. The bathroom area was nice, with 2 sinks, but the tub was really tiny. Each room has a Pack n Play in the closet, in case you want to put baby in there (not in the closet, in the pack in play).

One of my favorite room touches was the lanterns flanking the bed. They had a dimmer switch, so each night we'd dim them enough to provide a night light. It was very cozy. I think I need a dimmer switch and wall sconces now. It felt like being in a log cabin. Every night before bed the housekeeping staff would come in and turn down the blankets, adding a pile of chocolate coins to our bed. The kids LOVED that.

When you stay in a Disney resort, you get a 'key' to Disneyland. Meaning, CHARGE IT!!! Everywhere they'd take a credit card, they'd take my card. Now if I could only do that without having to pay the bill at the end. Hmmmm....

Whenever they would address you on the phone or in person, they'd say "Welcome Home, Wutke family." Although it felt like being on an episode of Extreme Home Makeover, I just really liked that touch.

Wireless internet and self parking are included in your room fee. That's always nice, no matter where you stay. So many hotels on that strip charge parking AND internet.

Something that perhaps people don't know when staying in the Disney hotels. You can pool hop! We spent the afternoon at the Neverland Pool at the Disneyland hotel. I hadn't been back since I was a kid, and although it was completley different, it was very cool just to be there.

It was an amazing experience, and I only had a few, very minor issues. One, the pool was so crowded that it was unpleasant to be there. Its not like the hotel can control that, or the children who thought that diving and kicking me in the head was funny. They have comfy reclining chairs and a full valet/bar service.

I loved hearing the crowds at night and seeing the happy people while I was sitting on the deck. If you don't like noise, you might not like the park view rooms. I loved opening the doors in the middle of the night and just hearing nothing but the crickets (or the recording of crickets. They actually play recorded owls and insects when you walk their lit paths at night).

The baskets of linen outside our door

The blankets on the bunk beds were a bit worn. I expected a bit more plush bedding. As I said before, the rooms were a bit on the small side, but the closet was huge. I turned that into a small theater for the kids one night when I was trying to get the baby to sleep.

Staying on site let me find out if one of the 'urban myths' of Disney is true. I've heard that there are a ton of feral cats living at the resort, and that they are fed by the night staff. One night I opened the deck doors after the park had closed and I saw a bunch, probably about 5 or 6, of cats just sauntering down the road in front of the Grizzly River Ride. It was hilarious! I wish I had taken a picture.

I truly feel as though this hotel was worth the money, because you pay for the location and the EXPERIENCE of it all. I don't think I can go back to staying in a strip hotel (sorry, honey!)

Next up on the blog, my list of the best places to feed baby in the park.

More vids

2010-08-27T17:48:00.000-07:00

This one is with Woody and Jesse playing with the boys baby Buzz and Baby Woody. So funny.

Nico busts a move to California girls. Sorry for the sideways view, I had no idea what I was doing while taping. He was really getting into it.

A few videos

2010-08-27T17:42:00.000-07:00

I took these with my iPhone, so they are narrow. This is, of course, before I figured out how to turn the camera SIDEWAYS to get the widest screen. Duh.

A clip of the beach on our way to San Francsico. This is why I say that everyone should take a road trip like this with their kids. We just pulled over and had an amazing time.

Some pics!

2010-08-27T17:33:00.000-07:00

I haven't had time to even answer the email I have received over the past week, so no time for a real blog post, but here are a few pics of the trip!

Meeting Pluto on Main Street. Nico just loved him. He actually wrapped one of his ears around himself, but of course I didn't get a pic of that.

Character breakfast at the Plaza Inn on Main Street. Completely expensive but totally worth it.

Jedi training academy. Nate was picked out of the crowd due to the Clone Wars costume again, but this time he battled Darth Maul. He loved it.

Musical Chairs with Alice, Alice, and the boys. The Mad Hatter called them "The Siblings" and shunned everyone else who wanted autographs. He held Cam's hand all the way to the gate and posed for some great pics.

Family road trips: Now I understand

2010-08-26T10:40:00.000-07:00

I declare this entire month to be #Disney month on my blog. Yes, I'm a huge Disney buff, but I just came back from a road trip with my family (all 6 of us, stuffed into my Pontiac Montana, for 45 hours total driving time), and I had a really great time. I can't believe I am saying that, but its true.

I'll be posting videos and pics as soon as I can get them off the phone and camera, as well as my reviews of the Grand Californian Resort where we stayed for 5 days.

We worked our way up the coast of Californian and even popped into San Francisco for an afternoon.

Yes, it was a long and crazy drive, and yes, it took on a Griswald quality occasionally. I think that when we stopped people thought we were living in our car, but I am so enthusiastic about the time I spent with my kids that I just feel good about it all.

I'll be back with pics.

Looking for moms for article I'm writing

2010-08-04T22:25:00.000-07:00

I haven't had time to update the old blog lately. I've had a lot of copywriting assignments, and have been working on a few press kits. All with 4 kids under my feet as well.

I'm writing an article on spec and I'm looking for a few interesting moms who are working from home or just working in general. Specifically, I'm looking for women who have tried a bunch of different jobs/businesses, etc. on their way to finding something they enjoy and are passionate about.

The article is going to focus on the journey, not exactly the destination, and the pitfalls along the way.

If you are interested in being interviewed for this article (most likely via email so you can live anywhere) let me know.

The ultimate in baby pictures

2010-07-22T19:49:00.000-07:00

The days are long, the years are short

Just had to give a bloggy blast to SilverLamb Studios for the most amazing Cake Smash pictures I've ever seen. That's my little pooper up there, and although I know him to be a toilet brush wielding little devil, I'm so grateful that Sarah was able to capture the angel in him.

I've never done a cake smash for my kids, and with #4 nearing his first birthday, I knew his babyhood was slipping away. I'm one of those moms who is responsible for keeping Walmart photo in business, and looking back, I really wish I wouldn't have. The photos I have of my little one are so completely beautiful that I am really upset I didn't do it for the other three.

Here is a link to the the blog post where Sarah shows off the pics. http://silverlambstudios.myfotojournal.com/2010/jun/29/little-n-cake-smash-photography-aldergrove-bc/

Here is the video that accompanied the smash. I just love it. It was shot by Matt from Silver Screen Tots.

She farmed, I Farm Story

2010-07-13T19:09:00.000-07:00

In 1950’s Saskatchewan, my Grandmother was one of the many who woke up at the crack of dawn to begin baking the daily bread and buns for the family. She probably had 7 kids at that point, a number I cannot fathom when dealing with my own four on a daily basis, and she went on to have a staggering 13 children before she closed up shop at almost 50 years old.

Life in Saskatchewan was clearly not for the weak or weak of heart. The winters were of the -50 variety, with snow drifts as high as the sheds that held the grain. In the winter, we huddled around the metal bellied stove for warmth before the house heated up, and our uncles attached the hoods of old cars to the back of the snowmobiles and whipped us around frozen ponds for fun.

I have memories of waking up to the smell of baking every morning, of swimming in rain barrels or the dug out beside the crops when we were hot and dusty from running around. I took in a mouthful of lard once, because my cousin told me it was mashed potatoes. I remember swinging on a rope in the hayloft, from one side of the hay bale lined walls to the other, and the feeling of complete freedom I had when I was flying through the air. Sure, a few of us fell out of the loft onto the hard ground below, but I don’t really dwell on the bumps and bruises. I remember how my Grandma chased us down the dirt driveway with a tea towel when my cousin Bonnie decided she could drive at age 9. (Sidenote: we went to the town 10 minutes up the road for ice cream, and she did just fine. Seriously.)

Because of the way I was brought up, often out at the farm under my Grandma’s feet and surrounded by cousins, aunts, and uncles, I never thought it odd that there were always people around. My cousins’ were, and still are, my best friends, the people I counted on for everything. This was a family that was close, if only due to proximity. Emotionally, it was a different story. I can’t speak for the 13 children, but I don’t think hugs, kisses, and stuff we consider normal now were part of their upbringing. It was most likely a testament to the times.

I no longer live in Saskatchewan, and I haven’t been back there in almost 9 years. I am no longer surrounded by family. Living out on the coast has put us at least 4 hours from my brother and over 24 from my parents. Sometimes I still miss the proximity, sometimes I don’t.

I bake from scratch because using a cake mix just ain’t how I was raised, although I would give the credit for that more to my Grandma than my own mother who thought baking was boring.I do not own a bucket of lard, preferring to use products of the non-animal variety for my baking.

No one would argue that life is different for moms these days, but what I didn’t realize until just recently was how much worse it is.

Back when my Grandmother was producing a new child every year, she didn’t have the lure of ‘life beyond the farm’ to pull her away and make her dissatisfied. If she was dissatisfied, it was due to other things that I was not privy too. Now, I have my iPad in my lap 24/7, and Twitter is a testimony to women juggling children, house, and marriage with apparent ease. My little window to the world makes me restless in a way that I am sure she wasn’t.
Summer vacations were for running around the farm. I can’t get my kids to run around the yard, despite the 15 foot above ground pool, tube-slided play center with swings, and the trampoline. I don’t remember ever going up to her and saying, “I’m bored.” I grabbed her apron when I was hungry, and I was always hungry, but other than that we were scarce.
99% of the time, rather than go out into my yard and pull weeds from my little garden patch, I plow the fields on Farm Story or We Rule, contenting myself with magic cauliflower and 16 hour crops in exchange for XP. Her garden would take up the entire plot my house sits on, plus my back yard.
I don’t think she ever had time to be bored, and if she was, she didn’t say. It was just the way that life was inside her bubble. I know she wasn’t entirely happy, far from it, but at the very least she didn’t have the distractions we have on a daily basis and the overwhelming discontent that can come from trying to raise children in this day and age.
Technology, in it’s ability to entertain and suck up our entire lives, has bred boredom. At least at my house.
It’s summer vacation, and my kids are running all over the house, alternating between Lego Batman on the Wii and the sort of sunny backyard. I’m sitting on the deck, watching them, and I’m thinking how much fun that rope in the loft of the barn was.

3 reasons why you need to give your wife an iPad

2010-06-21T11:32:00.000-07:00

When I first put my hands on my iPad, I was sitting in a walk in clinic with my sick kids. My husband had waited in line for it at the local Apple store the day they came out, and although I knew it was on its way, I was still practically sick with excitement.

I guess this tells you how much I love technology.

The first app I downloaded was a Toy Story interactive book that resulted in my four year old promptly taking the iPad away and going into his room with it, only to return half hour later and request "MORE" of the same.

It took about two weeks, but now I use it for everything. There are days that I do not crack my computer at all, and I kid you not, that's a big thing for me.

If you are considering buying one for yourself or your spouse and are on the fence (or the wait list) for the iPad, here are a few reason that might push you over to the other side:

Pies - You like pie right? Apple, blueberry, the elusive stalk that is rhubarb? Well yesterday as I was baking, I dropped a big old pile of flour right in the middle of my iPad. As I began to clean it up, I thought of the many, many people who would gasp at my flagrant misuse of the coveted iPad and recoil in horror at my fumbled attempts to clean it with my already dough encrusted hands.

The point? This thing wipes off with Windex people! Windex! If you slop you coffee or flour on it, it just wipes right off. It's brilliant. Just pull up Allrecipes.com, find something to bake, leave the recipe in front of your like a book when you are working, then slop all over it.

Feeding your baby - If you breastfeed, you know that you will spend endless hours in a dark/semi-darkened room feeding your baby. It's a blissful thing, but it's also deadly boring when you do it 10 times a day, 7 days a week, and in the middle of the night. With my other kids, I just watched TV or stared off into space. Sometimes I'd slump over and catch myself before I fell out of the chair, taking baby along with me. This time, *insert evil laugh*, this time is different.

My husband's friend presented me with an iTouch a few months ago, and it was amazing. I could read blogs, look at pictures, play games, and best of all for everyone, stay awake while feeding the baby. At 4 am, when my heart was racing and I wanted to cry, I could google, "Why is my chest hurting?" and it would come up with wonderful options like, "How to tell if you are having a heart attack or if you are having anxiety related issues." Very soothing, I must say.

Now I can analyze myself and my anxiety symptoms on the big screen, and if I am bored at night I have a plethoria of free HD time management games to entertain me. Also, watching Glee on the iPad will keep you awake when nothing else will work.

If you are your child's food source, you DESERVE an iPad.

The reduction of clutter - Recently, my husband stacked a pile of my books that I had stashed in the closet along the wall of the bedroom and said, "Do something with these." I was perplexed. I had not read half of them, including "The Road Less Traveled" and "How to bring up boys" (clearly, I have not read that one.) How simple it would be to have the iBooks version of these selections, so I don't have a pile of paper sitting on my floor and still have the option to read them whenever I get free time.

Reading a book on the iPad is an amazing experience. The backlight is so soft on your eyes that you don't even realize it's getting dark in the room.

If you read books, you need an iPad.

I do believe I have barely scratched the surface of what my iPad can do, and I'll be enjoying trying to figure it all out for months to come. My iPad won't do my dishes, but at least it keeps me company when I do.

A crisis of the 39ish persuasion

2010-06-07T20:58:00.000-07:00

How many times have you heard people say, "In my head, I"m much younger?"

My dad used to say this to me all the time. I'd look at him, wrinkly as a Shar Pei and with hair as grey as the old cat that used to hang out on my grandma's farm and I'd think, "Sure." I mean look at you, you must be like, 43 or something!

And now here I sit, at 39, and I'm the one that my kids say, "Wow, Mom are you ever old."

It doesn't help that I'm older than my husband, and you know they take great delight in saying that to anyone who might ask how old I am.

My kids are growing up. I have an 8 year old, a 7 year old, a 4 year old, and an almost 1 year old. My baby days are ending, and the times of my life where I have three boys ripping up my house are just beginning. I haven't colored my hair in what seems like a lifetime, and since having the fourth kid, I'm more top heavy than bottom.

I avoid the camera like the plague, analyze every tiny mark on my face, and wonder if I can survive the aging process.

I'm having a 39ish crisis.

All of this makes me remember what my dad used to tell me about being a kid. He'd say, "You better enjoy it. Being a kid is much better than being an adult."

At the time, full of hormones and boredom, I didn't believe him. I wanted to grow up, wanted to go where I wanted to and come home when I wanted to. I wanted to have my own money and not argue with someone over a winter jacket or a pair of ugly boots. I wanted to be finished with high school forever, and move onto bigger and better things. Brighter things. I had marriage to look forward to, babies, and jobs. The world is wide open when you are a kid. I had dreams.

I still have dreams, but it's amazing how time can change them. I'm married, I've had my babies, and I have spent my life looking for something I was good at, something I could grab onto and be passionate about. I've found the things I've wanted to find and I've lived through some stuff that, looking back, I wished I hadn't. It's part of being a grown up.

And now, I want to be a kid again.

I want to ask my mom for help when the world gets too overwhelming. I want to read a book by a lake and listen to nothing but the flies buzzing over head and the water hitting the shore. I want to be restless, impatient, anticipating of what my life is going to bring. I want to run, wild and free, through Disneyland again and feel like I did when I was 7 and it was the most amazing place on earth. I don't want to deal with cutting the grass, cooking dinner, or taking out the trash. I want to move to a new place, just because the other place isn't doing it for me anymore.

Today, I'm having a crisis of the 39ish persuasion, and today, 39 sucks.

Winnipeg mother stabs her children and post partum depression is in the news again

2010-06-04T13:02:00.000-07:00

Every single time I get off track writing my book, I see an article like this on my iGoogle page.

http://www.thestar.com/news/canada/article/819255--winnipeg-mother-faces-charges-in-children-s-stabbing

Once again, what appears to be a mother struggling with postpartum depression is in the news again. Is it just more publicized now, or are women going to extreme lengths to scream for help?

As someone who has struggled with brutal postpartum depression, I can't help but wonder whether this woman asked for help, or whether she was willing to take it if it was offered. So many times there is help available, but it is shunned due to breastfeeding, lack of support, or outright denial.

I sincerely hope the children make it through this ok, and that they have a supportive family to care for them as they work through this.

New member of PWAC (Professional Writers Association of Canada)

2010-06-01T10:30:00.000-07:00

I'm excited that I was recently allowed to join the ranks of professional writers in Canada. PWAC is a great organization from what I can tell, and I have already found a ton of 'inside' resources that I am sure will come in handy.

I'm having a hard time finding anyone who is willing to read my current WIP (also my only WIP unless you count the articles I am writing for a client). I am not sure what other people do to share and get feedback, or if I should just avoid sharing altogether a la Stephen King?

Any advice?

A quick blast about http://www.perfectioncleaningbc.com

2010-05-24T11:08:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update because I wanted to toot the horn of a local mom business. I've been getting Perfection Cleaning BC to come into my house for a few months now, and I have to say, they are really helping me keep this place clean. Fantastic cleaning service.

If I could just get my laundry issues under control, I'd be thrilled. Have a happy day off!

The difference between one kid and four

2010-05-21T10:58:00.000-07:00

You know how you see these families in the grocery store or at the park? Kids dart back and forth to the parents, and you lose count of how many appear to belong to that tribe. It appears that you've stumbled across what can only be deemed as a 'large family', and your curiosity grows in relation to the number of children that poor woman seems to have hanging off of her leg.

Have you ever wondered what it's like to have four kids? Well, you've come to the right place. Although I am by no means an expert on large families (and my family is definitely not the largest I've come across), I can put my own experience into plain English for you.

You have a child, or two. You get the hankering for a third or a fourth, and you ask yourself 'What's one more?' I am here to tell you, one more is one more. One more little person to feed, one more bout of teething, one more series of record breaking lack of sleep. But, on the same token, one more is one more sweet, pudgy little person who you love just as much as you love the others. You sacrifice more, you have less free time, and you might even crack up along the way.

Too vague? Let me break down my experience for you.

Grocery Shopping

One child: One cart, once a week, and if you avoid crabby times and give in to buy a toy, you'll have a pleasant experience. You might even be able to drink coffee as you peruse the aisles. Get everything you need, forget nothing from you list, and go home to make an epic dinner because you have everything you needed.
Four children: Two carts, two parents, 4 grouchy kids who HATE grocery shopping even if you bribe them with a treat & a viewing of the toy aisle. Four toys later and your bill is over $400 for 8 jugs of milk, eggs, and nutrigrain bars. You go home, unload it all, and realize you have nothing to make for dinner. Open up box of cereal that was purchased for the toy inside and pray that there are enough nutrients in the box to feed the horde.

Sleeping

One child: You are exhausted and you end up sleeping on the floor as the small person plays around you. The house is quiet for nap times, so you get a lot done and they have a decent rest. You do not need to wake them for car pool or preschool pickup, so a great routine is established. Need to go out at night? Put them in the stroller and they sleep until you carry them in and put them in their beds.
Four children: You have a king size bed and there is someone between you and your husband and someone beside your husband on the other side. A foot makes its way over your husband near your face, and you need to protect your nose against possible nightly headbutts. You turn your body around and sleep at the end of the bed but wait, its damp down here. Oh no, the bed wetter took off his pull up again. Get up, change shirts, kick the cat because he's under your bed, sleep for what seems like five minutes then get up and get them ready for school. The phrase, "Shhh, the baby is sleeping" is said so often you'd like to get a tshirt and just point at the phrase while you drain your second bucket of coffee for the day.

The Park

One Child: Look, she's so cute as she toddles across and plays in the rocks. You have a book, a blanket, some snacks, wipes, and even a juice box. You spend two hours watching your child play happily on the swings, strike up a conversation with another mom who is having a similar, relaxing moment, then toddle home and put your child down for a nap. You are relaxed, revived, and feel like a good parent.
Four children: Head count! Who's missing? One, two, three, where's four? Do you see four? Oh wait, he's with three. It's just a scrape, really, wipe it off on your shirt. Yes, they are all mine? Yes, I definitely have my hands full, but thanks for saying that. I've never heard that one before. Someone is climbing to the top of the slide and going down backwards, that never ends well. Four has a rock in his mouth? Sorry, mommy just has this half bottle of water. You guys need to share! Share! No floaties! Sip, don't spit! We'll get a band aid when we get home, just put moms sweater on it.

Cleaning

One Child: Give them a duster or a wash cloth and have them follow along. Your house is easy to keep clean, and their one tiny toy box just gets pushed away when they go to bed. Beds are made, blinds are dust free, and if you get behind you should feel no guilt in calling in a cleaning service.
Four children: Four dusters in hands, a light saber dual breaks out over the coffee table. Your rock fountain is knocked over because the cat wanted a drink and they thought it would be funny to let him drink from there. Your vacuum cleaner bags fill up almost overnight and you have super clean floors because you turn it on as entertainment for the baby. Because you are constantly vacuuming, you have no time to pick up the toys, socks, and other crap that litters your floor, so you go around them. Occasionally you lose a sock to the vacuum, which causes 2 boys to open it up and dissect the contents of the bag until they find it. Dishes are washed by the kids, oops, the floor is soaked and so are you. Don't lick the sugar from that plate, that's disgusting!

Sound like fun? As you can see, there is a significant difference between one child and four. I remember what it was like to be a new mom to one; the sleepless nights, the worry, the 24/7 guard duty. It doesn't change, it just becomes amplified like a stereo set to HIGH 7 days a week.

The next time you are watching your beloved child at the park and you eyeball a stressed, tired mom across the way who seems to be counting heads, send some sympathetic vibes her way. But, also know that she feels just as lucky as you do, if not more so. After all, I have 8 little arms to hug me good night and four sets of kisses when I wake up in the morning.

Now, if I could just stop the head butting.

Mother's Day 2010

2010-05-08T08:51:00.000-07:00

I think the hardest part of being a mom is living in the moment. Somedays it's difficult, because you really just want to be anywhere but here. I find my brain works like this:

La la la la, oh, there is a baby on my leg. Ok, put the baby to bed. La la la la I wonder what's going on on Twitter today? La la la. Look, something to clean! (not in the moment)

Or this:

Aren't my babies cute? Look at them playing so nicely together. No, no, don't beat your brother over the head with his splint. That won't be good for his ankle or his head. Wait, wait, don't crack that egg over the floor. Ok, now we have to start all over again. One second, don't get up before you wipe! OMG, there is poop everywhere!!! (Living in the moment)

I went to a mother's day tea yesterday, hosted by my 4 year old's preschool. One of the teachers read this, and I'm sure she did because it definitely gives a room full of mother's some prospective. Especially me I think, after a week of fevers, sprained ankles, and no sleep. So do yourself a favor this weekend and heed the advice of the ultimate housewife, Erma Bombeck. Kick a few toys and cookies under the couch rather than sweeping (but don't leave them there, I know a mom that does that and OMG, when they moved she had a colony under her couch) and get out and play with your kids.

Happy Mother's Day!

If I Had My Life To Live Over

by Erma Bombeck

If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television - and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's".. More "I'm sorrys" ...

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute... look at it and really see it ... live it...and never give it back.

Life is like a....ladder

2010-05-03T09:29:00.000-07:00

I was painting the trim of the house the other day, and I was in a bad mood. I've been feeling a lot of guilt for things lately, and if there is one thing that will lock me in a corner and make me feel claustrophobic, it's guilt.

I won't go into details about why I feel guilty. It's mostly family obligations, etc., but it did make me think that I'd like to please be able to go about my life without feeling this crappy all the time.

'Letting it go' only works until those who make you feel bad get up in your face and make you feel guilty again. It's frustrating really, and it always seems to lead me to the question, "Is this all there is?" Translation: What is life about anyway?

Because I was standing on a ladder at the time, I decided that life must be just like a ladder. Once I started to think about it, it all made sense.

Good things happen, and you go up a few rungs. Good things like marriage, babies, accomplishments. Exciting things happen, like moving or new jobs. You go up a few rungs again. You feel as though you are on top of the ladder. Unfortunately, as with ladders and life in general, you can either stay at the top or you can move back down a few rungs. I have no problem with the up and down, but what if you were solidly stuck in the middle of that damn ladder? You never really went up, you try to never go down. It's debilitating. Although I believe that personal life circumstances can restrict you somewhat from forging ahead, it shouldn't stop your progress completely if you really want to climb a rung.

You could also see your daily life as a ladder. For example, if you are having a very stressful day and you wake up to rain, gloom, and laundry, the thought of something exciting or adventurous right around the corner is enough to get you through a very long day. I like to travel, so sometimes I feel as though I have to look forward to something like that, no matter how far away it is. It's ok to take four kids on a trip in my head, not so much when I actually have to pack a bag.

My point? Life is pretty boring when you are solidly in the middle of a ladder, when every single day you can expect the same. Also, how do you teach your children to keep trying to get up there if you aren't a good example yourself? I think the biggest difference between the me I was when I was in my 20's and the me I am now? I think I'm too tired or too scared to climb!

But I admire and am happy for everyone who does. Happy rainy Monday Vancouver.

Trips for writers: Finding inspiration at The Edision & Ford Winter Estates

2010-04-27T10:02:00.000-07:00

I've struggled to find an identity for my blog, and now I think I've found it. Trips for writers, whether virtually or in the flesh, is a great way to find inspiration. I've read agents blogs and many, many times they state very simply, "Stop writing and get out there and live." I mean really, how creative can you be when you are sitting at your lap top in your PJ's, listening the the garbage guys compact your recycling and hoping like hell that they don't wake up your baby? 3,2,1...Creativity officially sucked out of me.

This week, I'm talking about Florida. I may talk about Florida for a long time, because I love it there. Sunshine, beaches, cheap gallons of milk. Really, they have it all. I experienced my first Krispy Kreme donut there, and was thrilled at the way that tiny fishies nipped at my toes on the beach in Destin.

Unfortunately for me, every single time we go there we have some sort of calamity occur (scorpions stinging in um, tender places, impacted hernias, protein spills at the Animal Safari, haunted beach houses that have beds that don't fit the frame, thus ensuring you slip lopsided all night long). It is enough to make a person want to stay home, and yet I still wish I could go back.

Florida is much more than the house of the Mouse (aka Disney World) or the epic thrill that is Islands of Adventures (that Spiderman ride is so much fun). If you take a trip down the hwy's to Fort Meyers, Sarasota, Long Boat Key, and Sannibel Island, you'll see a side of Florida that you (as a non-Florida native) never knew existed. This is great for people who don't live there and have no idea what Florida is all about.

By far my favorite part of Florida so far, and the place that I go in my mind for inspiration, is The Edison and Ford Winter Estates. To get there, you have to take a drive down a palm tree lined street and enter across the road where his labs are currently housed. When Edison lived there, there was no road, and those palm trees were planted by himself and his neighbors. It's truly amazing to see the gardens he planted. It was a windy day when we were there, and the bamboo trees were knocking together. I was standing outside by the swimming pool, and I literally never wanted to leave. The sky was obscured by the waving of the trees, and you felt like you were about to walk into a secret forest. They should make an audio recording of the sounds of those trees, they take me to my happy place. If you get there, sit down and listen for awhile.

I think if I lived there, I'd spend most of my time on this porch. The house is based right on an inlet, and they could walk out to their dock and watch the water swirl by them. It felt serene. You can imagine Thomas Edison and Henry Ford sitting and discussing ideas, mulling over research. They truly were an example of starting with a small thought and working it into a huge idea, much in the same way that writers do with novels.

Visiting his lab and discovering the many, many inventions he patented is really surprising. His lab is full of tools he used to fuel his research for a natural source of rubber. Light bulbs, record players, telephones, you can find them all in the museum and labratory.

As a writer, I find that I struggle to find the words to really describe this place. It is truly one of my favorite spots in Florida, and an excellent source of inspiration for anyone with a dream and an idea.

My house is a very, very, very fine house

2010-04-09T09:00:00.000-07:00

And I'm feeling nosy today. What does your house look like?

I'm one of those people that, when in the passenger seat, strain out my window to look into other people's windows as we're driving by. I'm no peeping tom, I'm mostly looking for walls, furnishings, etc. I just like to see how other people live. I've yet to see a naked person (thankfully!) and I've picked up a design tip or two for the home decor advice column I write for a client in Australia (seriously, I do write one).

Here is my house:

Isn't it pretty? My mom drew my attention to the fact that it looks great in pictures. I have to agree, it does look like a nice house. From the outside, you can't tell that the layout is a bit on the unbalanced side.

Perceptions are wonderful things. My mom informing me of what a nice house I had actually made me remember what it was like to appreciate it. Way back before I had four kids and three bedrooms upstairs, I loved my house. I'd walk up the driveway when it was night, listening to the frogs croaking in the creek up the street and I would just be blissed out. Before I was worried that my baby would fall down the back stairs (and before he did fall down the front stairs), I enjoyed the green grass in my yard.

I'm lucky, because I have a house to love/hate. I feel fortunate for that all the time. Do I wish I had a bedroom for each kid? You bet. Do I wish even more that I could knock a hole in the floor of my kitchen and create a staircase to the lower level? Oh yeah. That would be amazing. *Hides my jackhammer from husband*

Oh well, we can't have everything!

The portal to sanity

2010-04-06T22:14:00.000-07:00

I wrote a blog post way back when about how the grass is always greener on the Twitter side of the fence. I'm no stranger to web sites. Kidswap.ca was my baby, in addition to my real babies, for many, many years. I tried Twitter out in the summer of 2009, lost interest, then came back and signed up under the name "Kidswap". At the time, it was because I was trying to figure out a way to revive the site. After I realized that it wasn't to be, I kept the name and got sucked into the Twitterverse.

As I was saying, I am no stranger to web sites. Because of this, I am always happy to hear when one starts from scratch and goes bonzo, the way that Twitter did. Twitter has become more than just a bunch of status updates; those who are really involved can see that it's more of a lifeline. I will use motherhood as an example, because although I am a freelance writer, I am a mom first.

Imagine if you will, life before the Internet. You have your books on babies, your doctor, and your parents and friends. Your personality is slightly less than the average extrovert, as in the thought of going to mommy and me groups puts you off like rancid hotdogs from the gas station. You are comfortably social within your own bubble, and confident that the people who will support you when you bring your little bundle home are adequately prepared to give you advice.

Week three of new parenthood. You aren't eating or sleeping, and you have a case of irritable bowel that won't go away. It still hurts to pee and bend (stupid epidural) and your baby eats every 20 minutes. You read frantically through the parenting magazines, books, and pamphlets from the hospital. Why is she eating so much, then vomiting after? When I hold her, she sleeps. When I put her down, its party time. How much advil can I give her if she's 3 months but the weight of a 4 month old? Seriously, WTH? Is she actually teething at 12 weeks?

You ask your mom, who promptly tells you that you should be giving her mashed potatoes. Make them real runny, then slip them into her mouth before she eats. Not thinking that is such good advice, you ask your doctor, who advises you against the potatoes but tells you that you should let her cry because she is using you as a soother. You don't mention to your doctor that you co-sleep, because she only sleeps when she can smell you and you don't sleep unless you see her breathing. Is that Post partum? Are you cracking up? Friends tell you that you aren't cracking up, but you should join a gym or take some antidepressants. Leave her and have a wild night out at the bar.

Post Internet mommyhood wasn't fun and was ridiculously full of crappy advice.

Flash to now. You have your blogs, the doctors blogs, the mommy blogs, mommy forums, Facebook (although I am not a fan), and now Twitter. Why is Twitter such a mecca for motherhood? It combines everything. If you have a mommy blog, post it. If you have a mommy forum, highlight what they are talking about. Promote, publicize, and share away.

My 4th baby was born in June of 2009. As he's grown, I've become more involved on Twitter. If I am awake at 2 am with a teething, crabby baby I can check and see who else is online doing the same. Often, someone has posted a good night to me, or best wishes for a decent rest. As a mom, that little wave makes me feel less alone when I'm at my wits end.

And speaking of wits ends? There are things I've read about on Twitter that are immediate reality checks. My 4th baby is a really crappy sleeper, so crappy that I've basically gone through the past few months looking at life in a really bleak light. Postpartum? Probably. Knowing hasn't changed it though, and as I solider on each day I find myself having severe ups and downs that are indicative of life with four young kids. On the days when it gets really bad, and I sit bleakly wondering how to get through the rest of the day, I will open my computer and click around on Twitter. It becomes a window to the rest of the world in a way that talking to family and friends can't be. I can find people in the exact same situation and see how they are doing. Or, I can find things that snap me out of my bad mood and make me just eternally grateful for those 4 little creatures that mess up my house and make my ears ring with their screaming. I've grieved for babies whose mothers I'll never know, and I've taken that grief as a wake up call to love and appreciate my own children.

Yes, Twitter can also make one really, really insecure. I'm a freelance writer within a large group of writers. While you feel happy for their success, you also feel that it takes you one notch down the ladder. I follow agents, publishers, and literary journals. I watch magazines I'd like to write for, and I come up with ideas for articles. I started my own work in progress, when I realized that so many people out there were doing it, why couldn't I? Of course I think mine sucks more than theirs, but still, I'm trying and that is due to Twitter.

Yes, someday I will spend more time with my friends who are living close to me, but at the point I am in my life, where its overwhelming to just get them all to school and back and I can't talk on the phone because my 9 month old has woke up for the 9th time that evening? I have no brain space for chat or playdates and I live for weekends when I'm not on my own with four demanding little people. At the very least, I have Twitter. And for an overwhelmed mom, it's more than enough.

Vacation, thy name is insanity

2010-03-17T14:18:00.000-07:00

The first few days back at school after a week off is brutal. The kids are tired, I'm tired, and I wake with some very difficult to lose thoughts of just calling in and taking another day off with them. It's not like they aren't whiny, arguing, or bored. Mostly it's that I'm lazy, and the driving back and forth to get them all where they need to go is actually worse sometimes than having them all home. Luckily for me, 2 out of 4 have Croup, so I have an extra solider at home today. Again.

Sending them back to school got me thinking about vacations in general, and then led me to reflect on a few vacations that we've had in the past that were less vacation, more mini-massacre. Thousands of people travel across the USA and Canada every year with their children, some take their kids to Europe, Australia, or Africa. I've never been THAT ambitious, but I still like to take the kids out and show them the world if I can. Generally this ends us up at Disney, but as they grow older I want to show them other parts of the USA as well. I really believe that everything you need to teach a kid about the world exists right in the USA. At any rate, most of our vacations have been in the California and Florida regions.

We haven't been back to Florida in 4 years. Partially this is due to economics and it being less expensive to go straight down the coast to Cali than it is to fly across to Florida. Also, I am a horrible flyer, as I've discussed on the old blog here, and the flight to Florida is 4 hours to Dallas plus almost an other 2 to Orlando. Scary stuff.

As I am a varied freelance writer, I've been asked to write about everything from plumbing to recreational skiing. As such, I have copied below my travel article about Orlando and our trip there in 2006.

Walking off the plane in Orlando holding two small hands and a 5 month old on my hip, I am struck by the instant theme park feeling that you get from just being in the airport (maybe that is because I was covered in vomit from the flight, from the baby, not me). Within the first five minutes of landing, you are taken with the crowd to the monorail that leads to the baggage area, and my children are thrilled at their first 'ride' of the trip. It was 9 pm Orlando time, which was only 6 pm in Vancouver, but time changes mean nothing to people who fly with children. 4 hours on a plane can equal 10 hours of actual time at home, so if they weren't exhausted I certainly was.

After getting our 10 bags and car seats (back in the time before extra baggage fees), we discovered that our double stroller had been broken by the baggage handlers. The American Airlines department of broken strollers was staffed by a semi-crazy lady with a bad attitude, so we quickly grabbed a damage claim form, our now wonky stroller, and get out of there.

Pulling up to the hotel after the chaos of the flight and airport, I look for the tropical oasis surrounded by palm trees that was advertised online. At the very least, I had the palm trees to look forward to. Unfortunately, I got to look at them from the back of a parking lot and through some very dirty windows. This hotel did not live up to the photos online at all. Not only was it in what I would call a 'sketchy' part of town that was sort of close to Disneyworld, the room itself was the size of my closet and had a rugged double bed that had seen better days and a kid's 'cabin' that was at the most a hole with bunk beds and at the least a place my kids didn't want to sleep.

I felt guilt, I really did, and I would have left instantly if my brother hadn't already prepaid and was on his way to Florida the next day. Word of advice: Disney value priced resorts are actually the same price as many of the places just outside the gates. Don't waste your money on a hotel 'deal'. You'll get what you pay for and then some.

Waking the next morning to pounding rain, I thought I was back in Vancouver. It took going out into it to realize that the rain in Orlando had bigger drops. I swear one drop completely covered my 3 year old son when he put a toe on the pavement. All worries were erased once we drove through the gates of Disneyworld, and because I've been to Florida before, I fully expected the rain to stop.

Walking from the parking lot to the shuttle, we got completely soaked. The month was May, so the expectation of summer heat was there. This was Florida after all, but expectations do not a warm day make. On the shuttle, the breeze was blowing, we were all soaked, and were were blessed with teh miserable misfortune of being dressed as though it was August. By the time we departed that shuttle, my kids were blue and I was ready to call it a day.

We hopped on the monorail that took us to the Magic Kingdom and the first thing we did was buy $8 'rain jackets'. These were essentially ponchos with Mickey's face on them. I could fashion the same from garbage bags, but it wouldn't have that Mickey face so there really is no point in competing. I also have to buy a $20 towel at the Buzz Lightyear ride, because my baby was freezing to death and soaked. Great pictures of him wrapped in that towel, because Mom was too silly to pack an extra blanket. You can't tell here, but 3 year old's lips are as blue as that shirt.

We went in and out for the rest of the day, and even left for a bit so we could nap at the craphole, er, hotel. We stopped at Albertsons for some groceries to save a bit of money, but most of what we buy in stores when on vacations seems to go to waste. Disney tip: Not sure if they provided this service back then but Albertsons will now deliver groceries to your hotel. This is great, especially if you don't have a rental car and are staying just on Disney property. We spent the evening at the Magic Kingdom, and it quiet, dry, and a lot of fun.

Our 2nd day was back at the Magic Kingdom with my brother and his family. Every trip with my brother involves him not wearing sun screen and getting a whopper of a sun burn. This time was no exception. It was hotter than hades, and due to our rain day the day before, we were unprepared. I don't remember much of this day, sunstroke had me by 4 pm. Disney tip: Buy your own sunscreen. If you buy it at the park, it's double the price and by the time you put it on it's too late.

If it were up to me, I'd be in the parks from opening to closing every single day. Unfortunately I was with a bunch of party poopers, and they dragged me back to swim in the hotel pools. I thought that perhaps this was the only redeeming quality of the hotel. The pools were huge and fairly empty. We thought it was odd to discover that they had salt water in them, but the kids enjoyed themselves and that was all that mattered. HOWEVER, I recall that each child took a hit of the salt water in the mouth. I am convinced that this is what caused what I like to call "The night of a thousand pukes," which followed shortly after the ingestion of the water. Disney tip: Don't drink salt water.

All went well until our last day at the Magic Kingdom. Daughter woke up with an upset stomach, and didn't want to go to the park. I thought that was really strange, because she's normally as gung ho as I am and it was our last day. We put her in the stroller and did a bit of touring the Animal Kingdom. Once again, blistering hot and packed full of people. The strong stench of animals filled the air as well, so it was no surprise when she threw up right by the train. Within 2 seconds a cast member was on their radio saying, "We've got a protein spill by the Animal Safari." Good job Disney! It was cleaned up within 10 minutes. I guess a little vomit kind of ruins the illusion of the happiest place on earth. Disney tip: Throw up at the parks. They will clean it up for you. If you want a nice little spot to be sick, I recommend the shady areas at the haunted mansion.

We packed the kiddies up and headed back to the hotel. By this time she was getting sicker, and I knew she had to get out of the sun. I felt guilt bringing her back to that hotel, as it was a disgusting place to be when you are ill. By 5 she seemed to be feeling slightly better, so my SIL and I took the babies and headed back to Hollywood studios for a look around.

It was truly bizarre that we walked straight into Star Wars Weekends. I had no idea. Husband says after that he knew it was there, but when I talk about how I sat on a fighter bike and saw the Stormtroopers dancing, a strange look passes over his face and I know that it's time to shut up.

I did see StormTroopers dancing, and I also saw that bounty hunter guy, but the rest of the park was not crowded so I wanted to get away from all of the insanity and go see other stuff. We took turns watching the babies so we could go on the Tower of Terror (much better in Florida) and bought a few souvenirs.

Heading back to the hotel, I found that daughter was still throwing up and son was getting sick. Not good. By 11 pm, I had two pukers and one who was doing a shuffle dance between toliet and bathtub. There was vomit everywhere. EVERY.WHERE.

By 3 am, my 5 month old started to develop a fever and throw up. Here we are, in some crappy hotel in the middle of Florida, with no Advil or Gravol and three seriously sick kids. My husband made a video at this point of us laughing hysterically. It was too bizarre. This is where the vacation took a downturn and never rebounded. Fevers, chills, throwing up, and other bodily functions were abounding. I used every single towel in that room and then asked for more. We were checking out, so I had to bundle them up into the rental car and clean the room, but I gave up after 10 minutes and settled for just getting out the door.

Our next stop was my aunt's house in Tampa for a graduation party. I'm not sure she'll ever want us to visit again. 3 year old threw up orange gatorade on her new rug. 5 year old spent half the day in the bathroom, and I never even got to socialize as I was rocking, wiping, and taking care of the kids the entire time. We spent some time in a walkin clinic with 3 year old, where I analyzed his symptoms and asked the doctor what we should do. He asked if I was in the medical field myself, as I seem to know a lot. I swear, that was my first smile in 3 days.

We spent a few hours at the beach in Clearwater. I'd been before, but my daughter loved it. 3 year old and 5 month old spent the entire time sleeping on a blanket under an umbrella. Our flight home was the next day. To say I was grateful that the vacation was over was an understatement.

On our flight home, 3 year old finally came back to life. Unfortunately my daughter left her stuffed kitty on the airplane, and we didn't discover that until we were through customs. I immediately called them and they directed me to lost and found. A word of advice: If you leave it on the plane, it's gone. American Airlines couldn't possibly have a lost and found. Their cleaners pick it up, throw it in the garbage, and that's it. You'll never see it again. Serafina kitty was long gone. It was a crappy end to a 'interesting' vacation.

The moral of this vacation story? Hmmm, I don't have a moral. Wait, wait, I do have one: It is POSSIBLE, if not PROBABLE for you to be miserable at the happiest place on earth. Lower your expectations people, don't drink salt water from the pool, and bring your hand sanitizer.

Peeing in garbage cans and watching my baby crawl across the floor

2010-03-03T13:52:00.000-08:00

I don't normally blog about my kids, but lately they have been doing some strange/awesome stuff and I really want to write it down.

My baby, my little tiny baby, just crawled across the floor. He's not really going fast yet, but he's inching his way to things he shouldn't be touching and it's just as amazing watching him as it was when I saw my first baby crawl (she inched on her butt to the dog dish and helped herself to some kibble, but at least she moved!).

Even on my 4th go around, all of his baby goodness is amazing to me. I sometimes sit and just smell his hair, because I know how quickly they grow. His nicknames are growing too. For me he's gone through a bunch, and I am currently settled on "Pooper", which I am sure everyone hopes wears off soon.

My first son, who is currently 6 1/2, is and always has been a horrible sleeper. Rather than spending my time writing lately, I am painting my boys room so that he may actually consider sleeping in his own bed for an entire night. Given that he is such a horrible sleeper, he is also a sleep walker. Last week he slept his way straight into the kitchen, walked past my husband, opened the cupboard door and pulled down his pants to pee right into the garbage can! Husband narrowly thwarted his plan and sent him in the right direction. There is always a lot of pee on the floor of my bathroom. Parents of only girls, you can feel thrilled that you will never experience stepping in a small puddle in the middle of the night.

What I could possibly have in common with Stephen King

2010-02-26T12:09:00.000-08:00

Besides the fact that I like to write (obviously not as well as he does in any shape or form), there wouldn't seem to be much that I have in common with Stephen King. Or so I thought.

I had been meaning to read "On Writing" for quite some time. I kept putting it in my shopping cart on Amazon.com, then forgetting about the shopping cart as I forget about everything in life except for feeding, clothing, driving, and being a circus act for my kids. I had almost given up reading until recently, and I've read 8 books this past month. One of them was "On Writing", which I finally got due to a request I put in at the library then promptly forgot about until they sent me an email that said it was there. I was surprised. So surprised that I actually paid the $17 I owed them for overdue fines (things go missing in my house all.the.time. I can't find my bank card or my camera, but I know they are here somewhere).

I took that book home and began to read it. Normally I read on my blackberry while feeding my baby, which seems to take endless amounts of time because he just really likes to eat. I had to dig out my head lamp so I could still read in the dark, because I got really, really, into this book. I can see why so many people recommend it. He talks about rejection and sucking at writing until you just gradually get better, and this is a mindset I can get behind.

Yet I never found any reason in that book to think I had something in common with Mr.King until I read the part at the end about his accident. Hit by a van while he was walking on the side of the road in Maine, he was thrown into the ditch and broken in many parts of his body. When he described how the van hurled over him, how he was sure that it was going to land on him, how he lay in the ditch and all that he felt when that was going on? Sitting there, in the dark, with my geeky headlamp on and my baby sleeping, I got a shiver that went up my back and made my hair stand on end.

Why you may ask? I was in an accident like that myself. No, I wasn't hit by a van. I wasn't really hit with anything.

What happened to me was this:

On a very hot, very windy day in Saskatchewan, I rode my bike over to my cousin's house. I'm not kidding when I say hot and windy. It was about 35 degrees and sunny. The wind was literally blowing so hard I found it difficult to pedal against it. She wanted to go 'learn to drive' with my Uncle in his brand new truck. I wanted to go along for the ride, so I kept pedaling.

Once I got there, we departed right away. The roads behind their house were all field, mostly unpaved. We drove around for about half hour, then turned on to a long stretch of road that was by the jail. Driving down that road for awhile, my Uncle turned up the music. Nazareth was playing. To this day, I will turn off the radio if a Nazareth song comes on.

Half way down that road, we passed a few small farms. There was something 'washboard' on the road, which meant it had huge ruts from the grater dug into it. My cousin, who was 14 at the time and without even a learners license (this was common in Saskatchewan. We all learned to drive on dirt roads and fields long before we were legal), hit the gas a little more than necessary. Unfortunately, she hit it right when we hit a huge amount of washboard.

What happens next is very sketchy in my memory. I looked over at her, looked at my Uncle, he grabbed the wheel. At that point we were flying. Literally. I remember hitting the red roof of the truck, then putting my hand on the door. After that, I was out of the truck and then bouncing on the ground. I came to a stop on my side, curled up in a ball. Opening my eyes, I felt a shadow pass over me, but I couldn't see anything because it was a cloud of dirt and dust. I thought I might have died, I wasn't sure, so I just lay there with my eyes closed and waited for whatever came next. I don't remember being scared or that anything even hurt, I just remember the dust and how I was sure that the sun has disappeared.

It could have been 5 minutes, maybe 10. The cloud disappeared and I opened my eyes. I was lying in the ditch, about 15 feet away from the truck. The truck was on it's roof, the flat bed sort of angling away from it. My side of the truck was completely crushed. I heard my Uncle calling my cousin's name, and I tried to sit up and go over there. At this point I started to feel pain, and I crawled over to where they were. I think it took a long time. I remember noting that if I had been in the truck, I most certainly would be dead. There was nothing left of my side.

My Uncle had pulled my cousin out of the truck. I think about it now, 21 years later, and I still tear up at the image of this. He had found her half in and half out of it, her upper body was partially through the back windows, her head lay in the dirt of the ditch and covered by the bed of the truck. I'm not sure how we managed to completely pull her out of the wreck, but we got her beside the truck and tried to wake her up. She was breathing.

This was long before cell phones, so the only option was for one of us to go for help. He wouldn't leave her, and it was up to me to go. I struggled out of the ditch. I remember grabbing at tufts of grass to pull myself up and out, even though I found out after that it wasn't that steep. I walked down the road, in shock and crying, until I came to a long driveway. As I was walking, a car pulled up beside me with what seemed to be a lot of people inside. They asked me if I was from that truck back there, I said yes, could you please go for help. They took off, and I continued to go down the driveway.

Halfway down the driveway, a dog came running out of the bushes. He was a German Shepard, big and mean, and he bore down on me, barking, snarling. I remember yelling at him, yelling at the top of my lungs for help. I was terrified, but the farm seemed to be empty. No one was home, or they didn't hear me anyway. I turned around before I even got to the house and walked back up the road. The dog snipped at my heels, and he kept barking, snarling, trying to head me off and bite me, until I got to the end of the driveway. I think he might have actually took a swipe at my leg, but I really can't remember.

I walked back to the truck at this point, and found my Uncle holding my cousin in his arms. She was bleeding down her back. I actually thought she might have cut herself somewhere, but I had no idea. We didn't know what to do, so we grabbed some water from a canteen and dropped a little on her, trying to get her to wake up. She didn't react. I can remember other things from the ditch, but I can't make myself write them down.

Obviously the car full of people had called the ambulance, because they showed up. I don't know how long it was between the time they came and the accident. I remember someone covering me with a blanket and sitting me down on the side of the ditch. The police were there, talking to my Uncle. They took my cousin away, but after a general check over of my Uncle and I, put us in the back of the squad car. They drove us to the hospital, and I held onto him for dear life. The ambulance had pulled over twice to allow other paramedics into the back of it, but I had no idea as to why that was happening.

At the hospital, they let me out but kept my Uncle in the back. I found out later that they suspected him of lying about the accident, because he had said he was driving. They wouldn't let him into the hospital, wouldn't let him see her. They took me inside and down to an assessment room. Someone called my parents, my aunt.

I remember going for Xrays, remember them pulling glass out of my legs, my hands, my face. I remember my hair being covered in blood for some reason, and being covered in dirt. I was covered in a white sheet and talking to one of my brothers when my mom and dad came in together. It was at this point that they told me that my cousin was not going to make it, that she was essentially on life support and wouldn't survive for much longer. After that, I don't remember much.

Back to Stephen King. The circumstances of the accidents were different, but the way he vividly described lying in the ditch, the dust, the air, brought me right back to where I was 21 years ago. He thought he felt the van pass over him, and I can't say I've ever read a description that ever rang so true. It completely described how I felt, how it felt.Yet another similarity? He bought the van that hit him and beat the crap out of it. I had to have the truck where she died sit in my driveway for 2 months, covered with a tarp, until they could haul it out to the farm because my Uncle couldn't bear for it to end up in a wrecker's yard. Clearly my parents had no idea how to deal with Psychological trauma, or they wouldn't have done that. It haunted my dreams.

At the age of 17, I slept on my parents floor for months. I refused to go into my bedroom, refused to go to school, quit my job, and basically just tried to wash it all from my head. The only thing that saved me, I can honestly say, was writing it all down. Which I did, about 100 times over. I would stop and start, stop and start, and keep on writing. I wrote poetry about it, short stories, memoirs (although at that age I had no idea what a memoir was). It took years to move on. I never wanted to be a writer at this point, never thought I could ever be good enough, but I certainly knew what would ease the pain slightly and I took to that with all I had.

I have been tempted to email Mr.King and thank him for so vividly putting into words what he went through, because it helped me to put into words what I went through. It wasn't exactly the same, but it was closest I've ever come. What I wrote today is probably the most detailed account of what happened to me that day, and I never even set out to write it. Writing is good that way, what comes just comes.

A note on my cousin. Her name was Stacey. She liked music videos, Bon Jovi, and Archie comics. She and I were very similar, bookish and introverted. To say that her dying has changed my perspective, my entire life, would be an understatement. I am sure anyone going through something like that would say the same.

In honor of the Vancouver 2010: Common misconceptions regarding Canadians and Canada

2010-02-16T22:07:00.000-08:00

The Olympics are here! As a lower mainlander/valley girl, we can feel the long and dirty arm of the Olympics reaching even way out here (at least an hour away, depending on traffic and whether or not someone has crashed on Hwy 1 and the Port Mann again, in which case you can unbuckle and have a party on the side of the road because you aren't going anywhere). It is an exciting time despite the beautiful weather that is wrecking havoc on the mountains (and for which I am secretly thankful because if we would have had a winter like last year and I would be locked up in this house with 4 kids, WELL. That would have been the end of me) and the overall atmosphere is one of festiveness (but not festivus, that's another post entirely).

Now, more than ever, it is my sincere hope that the widely viewed telecast of the opening ceremonies has helped to dispel a few of the, shall we say, inconsistencies in thought that people have with regards to Canada and Canadians in general. I mean, didn't you see the whales swimming across the floor of GM Place? That should dispel any further myth that we all live in igloos. You couldn't program that technology in an igloo! The controls on the thingamabob would freeze up.

So if you are traveling in Washington state and are scared to put your pinky toe over the border of Canada in fear that a.) a beaver will bite you, b.) someone will jump out of the woods and slap a lumberjacket on you, or c.) your speech will suddenly elongate so that everything comes out with an extra 'ooo' as in 'aboot' (huh? I videotaped myself talking before and I do not say abooot. ever.) or 'doooode' (dude). Crossing over into Canada might net you a better breath of fresh air and a distinctly bigger dent in your pocket book if you plan on buying milk products, but that's about it. Other fun myths that I must dispel here:

The 'Gracious' Factor: Much has been said in the media about how gracious Canada is, how we say please and thank you for everything, how open and welcoming we are. This is a common belief, and it may also be true. I for one, find that I say thank you and please for absolutely everything. I will say please and thank you to people who don't even say hi to me at the cash register (but then I will think they are a bunch of cows). I didn't realize this was a Canadian thing to do until I saw it on NBC (thank you NBC, for the edumacation). The problem with this belief? It does not allow for the other side of the coin, which is that I am just as likely to say, kick your ass if you bother me for any reason, than I am to turn the other cheek and be polite. I believe this to be true of all Canadians. MYTH: We are simply polite, gracious, and welcoming FACT: We are polite as well as angry, a wonderfully patriotic combination
Our money is weird: A little known factor about me: I lived in Marietta, Georgia for almost 3 years. I lived with my aunt, who was also from Saskatchewan originally. I stayed with her, went home for a bit, came back, yadda yadda yadda 3 years went by. Occasionally I would go home and bring back 'loonies'. These are the Canadian version of a one dollar coin. Eventually we as a nation also delved into the murky waters of the 'Toonie'. I will admit it must be strange for those from other countries to get used to our money, but after years of using these dollar coins I still have a hard time spending US currency at Disneyland. I believe I have taken $20 bills, thought they were $1 bills, and tipped many people in many different places. (No wonder Americans think we are polite, we have no idea how much we are tipping). I will also admit to bringing loonies to Georgia when I lived there and selling them for $5 a piece as souvenirs to my aunts neighbors. MYTH: Our money is weird FACT: The looney is weird, but Canadians are fiscally intelligent as evidenced by my $4 profit on a $1 coin, which at that point in time was probably worth .50 cents.
Eh : Who started this anyway, and how is this any different from Europeans saying "Ya?" after every sentence? I had a freelance client last year who would call me and say "So this is what I want ya?" He was British. Have I said 'eh' before at the end of a sentence. Guilty. Do I say it as much as, for example, someone in the south says y'all? Nope. Myth: Good day, eh? Fact: How about those Canucks eh? eh? Wink wink, nudge nudge.

Now that we've dealt with a few perceptions that are inaccurate, here are a few things about British Columbia (but can apply to some other parts of Canada as well) that are true:

It's beautiful - Hell yes, it's beautiful. I've grown immune to it in many respects, but when I drive up to Whistler for any reason with the kids, I am in bloody awe of the sea to sky highway. I mean, the ferries, the islands, the ocean. Oh. My. Gawd. It's enough to make you pull over, set up camp, and never leave (but keep yourself away from the guard rails and what appears to be cliffs. It is a cliff, and you will fall down it before you know what happened). Once, when my hubby took my night skiing at Mt.Seymour, I had to sit my butt down in the snow because I was absolutely stunned at the view (not because I am crappy skier, although I am sure that I am. I don't use poles because I believe them to be useless. I am known for coining the phrase "Poles are for dancing" in relation to skiing). I've lived here for 11 years, and it still gets me.
Our beer is stronger - Molson Canadian 5.19 % vs Budweiser 4.82 %. Yet, US beer is cheaper, therefore easier to drink. Good example: Bud light lime. Ding.

If you are one of the lucky few who are visiting Vancouver in the next few weeks, tip back a few strong beers and get rowdy in the streets like the rest of the polite Canadians. Just remember to say please and thank you, and they'll never know the difference.

The intellectual females's guide to surviving motherhood

2010-02-10T12:18:00.000-08:00

That's a great title for a book isn't it? It's too bad that I'm busy writing fiction and articles for other people.

If you use the dictionary standard definition, I am not an intellectual. Intellectuals have a high IQ (I do not) and are astrophysicists or biological engineers. I am just a simple mother who prefers to read classics like Gone with the Wind (wasn't that just the original Mean Girls?) over chicklit and can't stand to have my brain run dormant for any length of time. I am always thinking of something to do, someplace to be. I am never so happy as when I am writing on my computer or working through a complex computer issue. I taught myself how to code web sites, use PHP, portals, and any other software I can get my hands on. Not because I was smart, but because I was BORED and it seemed like a good idea at the time. There are a lot of moms out there like me.

I can handle being idle to a degree, but a mind that is involved in repetitive tasks day after day is mind that is BORED for me. Some days I play scribblenauts, just for a check up to see if the grey matter is still running. Other days I am ready to simply cry from boredom, and it literally weighs me down to the point that it's difficult to carry my baby because my arms and legs feel so heavy. The cleaning, cooking, etc. that I could be doing isn't appealing. I spend endless hours playing with my baby, tossing him around because he loves that, carrying him around, cuddling him, tickling him. I make sure my kids are outside when it's sunny and entertained when it's rainy. I bake cookies on demand. If I can find a free ten minutes, I run to my computer for a peek into what other people are doing that day, because although I know my job is to be with my kids, I am sort of envious when I read that other people are out there living life.

I, like other mothers who get to stay home, realize that we are the lucky few that get to see them from birth until they start out on their own. I feel fortunate for that, and I am grateful that I saw them do everything from roll to walk, and that I was there when they learned to ride their bikes. Some of it is a blur, but I was there and am still here so that is all that matters.

What are some of the types of things that a new mom, one that considers herself an intellectual, can learn from someone who has been there and done it four times over?

Rethink your thought processes - Often I find myself standing in front of a crying baby and thinking "Ok, there has to be a logical way to go about this" but I cannot come up with a decent idea because my child is crying so loudly in front of me and there is no instant off switch. There is no logic anymore, unless you can find a free hour to sit down and regroup. You need to learn to think differently. A baby isn't like a complex computer issue, where if you try A and A doesn't work, B is sure to be the answer. Sometimes you can try A, B, and C, only to go back to A because A was the answer all along but the baby wasn't having any of that.
You have no sounding board for brilliant ideas - I often think of Lynette from Desperate Housewives for this one. She'd often come up with some great marketing idea and tell Tom about it when he came home from work, only to have Tom squash her like a bug and tell her that it wouldn't fly. Then, he'd go into work the next day and tout the idea as his own. Lynette was in a bubble surrounded by children. Tom knew Lynette was in a bubble, so the ideas she'd have would simply bounce around the bubble and never come to fruition.
You have no time to act on anything - Unless you are Angelina Jolie with numerous nannies, you will not have the time to act on any of the brilliant ideas that manage to escape the surface of your bubble. Why? Because you have children. Children take up time. Yes, you can leave them with daycare or a grandparent, but if you want to be the one to raise them then you have to forgo ideas that would require endless hours away from home. This is especially irritating because you end up seeing one of your ideas broadcast on television three years later, and you think "OMG, I thought of that." They have time, you don't.

I have to stop here and cite an example of what I thought was a great idea five years ago. I told my husband that I thought there should be a toy vacuum, something to pick up the tiny pieces of junk that the kids lay all over the house. I even drew it for him, and showed him the filters that would shuttle the small, irritating polly pieces into a baggie for my child to put away. I thought it was an awesome idea, but he rightfully stated that it would be too much to produce it. I forgot about this idea, until I saw them mention it on The Office of all places. Husband burst out laughing. My mouth was hanging open. What are the odds?

There are many more examples I can cite here about the challenges that someone who has the gift of an overactive mind will face, and how to overcome these obstacles. Unfortunately, my timer has dinged and I am being summoned to play. Have a great day!

I'm not surprised: Postpartum Depression hits the media again

2010-02-05T12:50:00.000-08:00

The news about the mother in Millet, Alberta who murdered her children on Monday and then attempted to jump off a bridge in Edmonton was all over the Canadian headlines this week. Originally from Australia, she was involved in a custody battle with the children's father. News reports are saying that she suffered from postpartum depression. I'd hazard a guess and say it was more like postpartum psychosis.

Womenhealth.gov has a very simple definitions for postpartum depression and psychosis, although I don't think that postpartum psychosis is as rare as they say:

Postpartum depression can begin anytime within the first year after childbirth. If you have postpartum depression, you may have any of the symptoms of depression listed above. Symptoms may also include:

Thoughts of hurting the baby
Thoughts of hurting yourself
Not having any interest in the baby

Postpartum depression needs to be treated by a doctor.

Postpartum psychosis is rare. It occurs in about 1 to 4 out of every 1,000 births. It usually begins in the first 2 weeks after childbirth. Women who have bipolar disorder or another mental health problem called schizoaffective (SKIT-soh-uh-FEK-tiv) disorder have a higher risk for postpartum psychosis. Symptoms may include:

Seeing things that aren’t there
Feeling confused
Having rapid mood swings
Trying to hurt yourself or your baby

My heart just aches when I see news stories about children being hurt by their own parents, and the sad fact of the matter is that I am not surprised. In the middle of an Alberta winter, broken up with her husband, day in and day out of just caring for two small children. Yes, it can take a toll. I've been there, maybe not in the cold of Alberta but in grey, rain soaked confines of Vancouver. I know you can crack up from it. I've had many a breakdown while taking care of my children, especially when they were babies and you are completely confined. What this woman did was completely heinous, and there is no excusing that. Maybe though, the blame should be spread slightly onto the people around there that didn't acknowledge the depression in the first place. Like the brother in law who saw here deleting photos of her children and giving away their toys. Didn't alarm bells go off? Was there a conversation about why exactly she was deleting photos of her kids? I have a hard time believing that she didn't want people to know what was going through her head, and this was her way of telling them. She probably didn't think it would end up the way that it did, so if she told someone how badly she was feeling she might lose her children. Damned if you do, damned if you don't, and stuck someplace in between. Like I said, I'm not surprised this has happened, again.

Andrea Yates drown all 5 of her children in a bathtub. She was then accurately diagnosed with PPP. Susan Smith drove her two sons into a river and left them there, then claimed she was hijacked. She is serving a life sentence, but also has been diagnosed with PPP. Maybe the media and lawmakers have scorned the diagnosis of postpartum because then it would look like these women had a free ticket to killing their children. As I said before, there is no excuse for harming your children and these women are rightfully in jail. I just feel that it's unfortunate that it had to happen at all.

Brooke Shields wrote the book "Down came the rain" about her experience with PPD, and although she did gain a small amount of publicity for postpartum, it certainly wasn't enough for mainstream media to put a proper label on other celebrity moms who had public nervous breakdowns. Britney Spears for example, began to show her mental state when she was photographed sitting outside her house talking to everyone, crying. Two days later she shaved her head. She then hands over control of her life to some man she barely knows. In all of the original media coverage about Britney going crazy, not a single one mentioned postpartum depression. Yet, this woman had just had her children 13 months apart and was recently separated from her husband. Two babies in 13 months? I'd say that qualified her for PPD about 10 times over.

The problem with postpartum depression is that there is stigma attached to it. Motherhood is what you are made for, it's the happiest time of your life. I'm thinking a man came up with this somehow, so that he could go out every weekend to the pub with no guilt. The consensus seems to be that it's a stress response, but not a big deal. That really needs to change.

You see these moms in malls, on playgrounds, and driving to school. They have deep, dark circles under their eyes because they might have had an hour or two of uninterrupted sleep the night before. Maybe they were chatty at one time, but they aren't anymore. They might not set up playdates or want to come over for coffee. You wonder why, but you have a busy life right? Enough on your plate as it is. Shrugging it off and thinking that yes, it's hard to take care of little babies, she'll come out of it eventually is just the wrong thing to do. After something happens like it did in Millet, and everyone is trying to make sense of it all, they'll stop short of asking themselves if they saw signs. Unfortunately for them, they probably just didn't want to see what was right under their noses. She failed her children, but everyone around that mom failed her too.

In the USA, there has been strides to lessen the stigma of maternal depression such as the law signed by Acting Gov. Richard J. Codey mandating a Postpartum awareness day on October 20th of each year. The MOTHERS Act has recently passed the US Senate. This act provides education and screening, if desired, for postpartum depression. There appear to be some who oppose such an act, if only because it serves to make mothers look as though they can't handle the hormones, the rigors of childbirth, breastfeeding, sleepless nights, and the roller coaster that your body takes during the first year after birth. Sure, supermom, you go ahead and handle all of that on your own so you don't look weak. I'll take the help, thanks.

Until women stop trying to be superheros, until people start seeing things for what they really are, until law makers and politicians draw more lines in the sand, until, until, until...We will keep seeing tragedies such as the one this week in Alberta and we'll feel horrible, but we won't be surprised.

This is me at 39

2010-02-03T17:32:00.000-08:00

Not sure how it happened, but I have entered my 39th year of life. This May, I will officially turn 39, and even looking at the numbers written there I cannot believe it to be true. Fortunately for me, many people say that I don't look 39 (liars) so that warms the cockles of my heart but it does not change reality.

I could lie about my age, but my kids would just announce it to anyone who would listen anyway. They love birthdays, and will celebrate them for me with a cake I baked and ice cream I can't eat (lactose intolerance) with as much enthusiasm as if I was celebrating myself. Woo hoo *sob sob* 39. Blech.

There are so many things that I thought I would accomplish before I turned 39, so I thought I'd check in on my "Things to do before I'm 39 Bucket list" and see where I am at:

Marriage - Ding. September 2000, 10 years this year.
Kids - Ding. I have that taken care of, four times over.
Richness - I thought I would be rich. Not stupid I-have-a-butler-rich but rich enough to think, I'm well off, I can buy that iPad TODAY if i want it and who cares? Instead, I seem to spend as though I am rich, which is counterproductive actually. Not sure how I planned on getting rich, but the thought was there.
My name on a book - I've written eBooks for other people, and hundreds of articles without my name (and a few with), but I have not had an actual paperish book published. I'm working on it.
Living in California - Nope, I live in Vancouver, which is on the same coast but about as far away from California as you can get while still being on the same earthquake fault lines. *Opens up Umbrella because am stuck in torrential sideways downpour.* I wanted to live in Cali for the sunshine and the access to Disneyland. I am a Disney freak, and I am proud of it. Which leads me to the next item on my list.
Annual pass to Disney and the means to use it - Given that I have four children, I'd need to have scratched #1 off my list before I was able to do this, so I dream instead. I look at Disney blogs and I view Disney photos of days when it's empty and I LONG to be there. I've converted my kids into small Disney animals as well, which drives my husband insane as he refuses to be brainwashed. I've told him to get on board the bandwagon because there are several dating sites available for Disney people to find other Disney people, but he ain't taking the bait.
Working at something I love - This I actually have covered. I am a freelance writer and I think that's awesome. My only issue is time, because I could write more if I had more time.

Not on my bucket list but something I have acheived anyway:

Deep furrows between my eye brows from frowning, yelling, spending too much time on the computer, and from the never ending fatigue headache between my eyes
A constant twitch due to the above mentioned yelling and lack of sleep
More experience with web sites than I ever thought possible and which I have put in the back of my head to access, um, never.

Yes, time will pass and I will turn 39 this year. I'm ok with that, because the alternative is to stop living and I am NOT ok with that.

Happy Wednesday (is it Wednesday?)

Hind sight on motherhood may be 20/20, but I wear glasses

2010-01-26T13:41:00.000-08:00

One of the myths of motherhood is that we don't have time to think. Nothing could be further from the truth. As a stay at home mom of four, I have nothing but time to think. I think about stuff when I am changing a severely poopie diaper, when I am making dinner, or when I'm trying to sleep at 3 am but am currently being entertained by my baby who wants to party.

I spend a lot of time pondering the outright myths of motherhood. The learning curve is steep, my friends, and the potholes in the road are many. If I had to breakdown a few that I found particularly interesting, it would be these:

Myth: Parenting is equal. Fact: Hell no, it's not - Even if I wasn't a control freak about my kids, which I am, parenting would not be equal. For one thing, I don't work and my husband does. Just for that very reason, we can't take equal care of the kids. I remember when I had my daughter, and I had just survived my first 3 day stretch alone with her while my husband went on a road trip for work. I was so grateful for the weekend, because I was exhausted, and I had an image in my head of handing her off and going to read a book. He'd bring her to me for feedings of course, but everything else would be up to him. When that didn't happen that weekend, or the next, or the next, the hair on the back of my neck started to stand up and my spidey sense began to tingle. I hadn't read a book for months by that point, my hair was so long I couldn't wait to lop it off, and I had lost all of my baby weight and then some because I basically thought more about sleeping than eating. Weekends were for 'family' time, not 'me' time. For the most part, this was ok, but it wasn't what I thought it was going to be.
Myth: After a few weeks, you will sleep through the night. Fact: Not even close - My 4th child was a dream sleeper up until he was around 6 months old and really started to get teeth. He'd sleep for 7 hours in a row, where I'd wake up and be instantly frantic that he was ok. Now, he wakes up every hour on the hour and sometimes stays up from 3 am to 5 or 6 am just dozing, chatting, and wanting to play. It's gotten to the point where my head feels as though it could float away from my body, up and away, far into the clouds *falling asleep*. Where was I?
Myth: Having two kids is the same as having one, or three is the same as two. Fact: LOL! - Seriously, I love this one. The only addage "What's one more?". One more = ONE MORE. Another child to tote around on your hip, another round of teething, crawling, walking, and sticking close to home for naps. One less hand I have to hold three other hands. The flip side of this is that I am so very very lucky to have four beautiful kids, and I get to experience first claps, kisses, and toddling again. That stuff is beautiful, and I am so grateful. But just for the record: one more is definitely one more and I'm outnumbered over here.

There are many, many more myths to explore, and so little time between naps and working and everything else that goes on. Suffice to say, reality for me is always better than what I made up in my head anyway.

Saying Good bye to Kidswap

2010-01-20T16:46:00.000-08:00

With sadness I announce the passing of Kidswap.ca, my web site that I started in 2003. The formerly thriving buy and sell had run it's course and was put out to pasture today when I closed the buy and sell permanently.

I began the site as a place for Canadian parents to buy and sell their new and used kids' stuff and connect with other parents. At the time, there was no other site like Kidswap, and it took off like gang busters, receiving anywhere from 30,000 to 50,000 unique visitors per month.

Although I have no desire to reshash the entire fiasco that took it down in the first place and resulted in my decision to close permanently, I would like to share some tips for those with web sites or those who are thinking of upgrading/changing their sites.

Tip #1 - Purchase a template, don't hire a web designer - Apologies to those web designers who are legitimate, but in all of my years running Kidswap I did not meet one honest, reliable person who called themselves a web designer. There was one individual in Chilliwack who was so swarmy he wanted his money through Western Union. Yet another who I hired on RentaCoder.com who was such a con artist that he physically threatened myself and my family if I didn't hand over money for the project that looked like crap but that he 'worked really hard on.' When I finally did my research, hired a lawyer, and signed a contract with a legitimate Vancouver web design firm, I got SCAMMED again. This time, by two unscrupulous, conniving, greedy individuals who didn't produce a site at all. Bottom line: There are many, many, web sites that will sell you site templates. Having a new site done for you isn't just expensive, it's sort of silly. If you don't know coding or have no knowledge of how to build a site, hire someone to edit the template for you and have them work hourly. Then at the very least, you will know what you are paying for your web site.
Tip #2 - If you must hire a coder/person to help you build you site, hire them from a legitimate company or a site like Odesk.com, which tracks people and their work for you. I've never been burned by Odesk in the two years I've been taking jobs on their site, but I have been burnt twice on Craigslist.
Tip #3 - Be wary of who you hire, and don't let them soak you with computer tech speak. As I said before, not everyone is as shifty as some of the people I have encountered. That being said, if they talk down to you, don't explain things properly, or ask you for a ton of money upfront: run away.

I lost a lot of money on Kidswap. A LOT. I'm lucky my husband forgave me for that. However, I really believed that it was the next big thing and I knew to get to that point, I'd have to invest money in it. I had several people who were interested in investing, and I was even asked to appear on CBC's Dragon's Den when looking for investors. It was exciting, and I was optimistic about Kidswap and my future. It's unfortunate that it took the turn it did, but that's life. I probably wouldn't be writing as much as I have been if I didn't fail so dismally with the web site.

I am always happy to help you if you have a question about web sites, design, programming, etc, so feel free to comment if you have a question and I will do my best to answer it.

Ramblings for a wet Thursday

2010-01-14T15:37:00.000-08:00

Wednesday is over and Thursday is nigh, and let me say that it is one of the wettest Thursdays on record. I don't care a wit for the Olympics that are descending on Van in the next month, but if I did I would be glad it's pouring down here because that usually means snow in the mountains. I have no coherent thought, as I am in the middle of the Teething Process, which is draining me and in turn, exhausting everyone around me. And so I ramble....

I spend a lot of time reading #pubtips , #askagent, and #amwritingparty on Twitter. A LOT of time. I read these things on my Blackberry while I am feeding my baby, and I troll mindlessly for hours studying what they say, don't say, like, hate, and everything in between. I do this because I find the entire science behind writing then publishing books so entirely interesting. I think if I wasn't a stay at home mother to 4 small children who lives in suburbia and has a husband who works long hours PLUS travels I would certainly want to work in publishing (although with a run on sentence like that, they would never hire me).

I've been working on my WIP for quite some time. I tend to work on it in the evening, after the hub-blub of the freelance writing/butt wiping/dinner making is over for the day. The benefit to this? I have been thinking about writing it all day, and randomly jotting stuff down in my notebook (that I carry in my diaper bag everywhere. You can't text while you drive, but no one said anything about writing). When I finally sit down, I have a clear direction and just pound it out. It's my recreational time. It's also hard as hell, but it's fun.

My WIP is about a mother with postpartum depression, and her relationships with her husband, her parents, and her children all revolve around this single facet of her. I kept thinking of how funny it is that we are all very multi-dimensional, even someone who is a bland and boring as a stay at home mom (and I say that with the utmost respect as I am one myself). Case in point? I tweet about stupid kid's shows that I am forced to watch because my children have taken over the TV. Someone like Lance Armstrong is always tweeting "The view in Maui is breathtaking" then posts a picture to make us all jealous and feel bad. See, I'm boring, he's obviously not.

The fact that one single part of a person or character could really become all encompassing (especially the part you don't expect) if you let it, it's seriously intriguing. I write with that in mind. It's dark stuff, but not so dark that if you read it you'd want to off yourself or worst of all, stop reading. This is the little person who has been screaming at me from inside my head for over a year now, so when I get a chance to let her out, it always makes me feel better.

At any rate, that is my WIP. Now that I've rambled about that, my thoughts return to query letters. It is #agentsday on Twitter today. I have found it so interesting to read about their days, what they do, what they eat for lunch. It reminded me of the fake resumes I used to hand out at Orchard Park Mall in Kelowna, about 18 years ago (even I cannot believe how quickly time passes), when I worked in the mall in Kelowna, BC.

Good old Kelowna. I'm so glad I choose not to populate there. But, I digress, again....

I wrote a number of 'fake' resumes. This was really just for fun. We'd come up with a few doozies when we were at home in the evenings or at University where I was supposedly studying Psychology. Then, when I'd come in for my shift at my part time shoe store job in the mall, I'd slip the resumes under the gates of a few stores. After that, we'd sit back and watch the fun. And fun it was. The pure look of shock, and in many cases, fear that would pass over the managers face as he read it. Even better, when we'd make the follow up call and inquire as to whether or not he'd received said resume and if I could come in for an interview. I sincerely wish I had a copy of a few of those resumes.

It was this morning, when I started to make up BS queries in my head while doing the never ending, life-sucking pile of laundry, that I realized it would be fun to post one. I'm always stumped for blog posts, and this seemed to be a good idea as any. I'll have to work on it though. I don't want to post a BS query and have it be half assed.

One last thing: Brian Lynch tweeted to me a few days back (after I asked for one piece of advice for would-be writers, so exciting), 'Keep writing. Not only will you have lots to show people when you break through, it's the only way to get better.' Right he is.

On babies and hormones

2010-01-07T09:56:00.000-08:00

There is rarely a time when I am so out of my head than about 6 months after I've had a baby. My hair starts to fall out, my sleep really starts to suffer (because this is the true onset of teething) and I slowly start to fragment around the edges.

At the very least, I have friends online and off who listen and understand the difficulties at this stage in the game, and I live in the hope that everyone in our house will start sleeping better soon.

Update on my WIP. I'm on Chapter 8 now, almost 20,000 words in. Unfortunately today is a day for writing on other people's topics, including homeland security and the wonders of carbon monoxide (freelance clients, have to pay the bills somehow!)

If you are the praying type, can you please send out prayers to http://www.natalienortonphoto.com/. Her 8 week old baby Gavin was fighting for his life last night, and although I keep checking her page, no further info is forthcoming.

And the temperature outside is...

2010-01-06T15:53:00.001-08:00

Grouchy! Have a good day...

I resolve to resolve for YOU

2010-01-04T12:48:00.000-08:00

Although the new year is generally a time of resolutions, I tend to not think of it that way. For me, the New Years is indeed a clean slate, but much more than that, its the time of year to remind others that the clean slate means they can fix all of the nit picky things that they have been doing over the year to drive me insane. Think Festivus, with the airing of Airing of the Grievances. Therefore, New Years is not about what I can change (I have many faults, and I resolve to change as issues come to light, not on just one day) but about what those I love and those that operate within my sphere can change FOR ME. I can come up with a few if they are interested, although I don't think they will read my blog so I will have to nudge them all in the appropriate direction by withholding baking and clean laundry.

For my children, I resolve for you (boys) to lift up the lid when you go to the bathroom. This will eliminate my shock when I sit down in the middle of the night and get a watery surprise that I didn't ask for. No, I didn't fall in the bowl. I'd be happy to fall in the bowl, as I can definitely catch myself if I am about to hit the water. I'd like them to lift the lid because I simply don't want to sit in the trail they leave ON the seat when they are sleepy and not paying attention.
For my mother. The term 'crazy cat lady' no longer applies. I prefer "Animal Hoarder" and although I understand that you want to save the feline population one cat at a time, I would also like to come and visit you sometime this year. 6 cats in the house, whether they are in 'transition' or not, makes me want to stay home.
Husband. I love you dearly. Please stop buying up your child hood toys on eBay and other sites. We have too many action figures, star wars ships, GI Joes, and 45 LP's that don't work on our CD player. They don't make good decor either, because they give off an aura of DUST. I also resolve for you to turn off your two cell phones so I don't have to picture ringing someone's neck at 11 pm when they want to leave you a message about work.
Baby. I resolve that you will enjoy 2 hour naps and sleep better at night. Everything else you do is perfect.
Extended family that live 3 hours or more away. I resolve for you to stop, just stop right now, asking when we are coming to visit. I'm guessing you've never gone on a road trip with 4 kids under the age of 8? I'm not really caring too much that you took us/them on road trips when your kids were little (in the mythical time before car seats and restraining devices, therefore allowing children to run rampant all over said vehicle and pass out on the floor if need be). We've said no, not now, maybe not ever at this point. Acceptance is the key to reality.
People of Costco. Once you pass through the doors, please resolve to keep your stupid comments about how large my family is to yourself. For some insane reason, it appears that each person who enters is given the catch phrase "Wow, you have your hands full" and the directive to go forth and find large families to say it to. You don't get a discount for saying that. Shut up already.

I have more; boy, do I have more. However, I do think that people only change when they come to their own realizations. In that light, I will settle back, nudge occasionally, and wait for another year to have an organized house, a dry toilet seat, and a good nights rest.

If you have some resolutions for anyone, please feel free to post in the comments. One of my ongoing resolutions is to make more blog friends, because it gets quiet in here *taps on glass* by myself.

Terrorism - Giving me more yet another reason to avoid the scary skies

2009-12-29T23:50:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time I was researching an article I was going to pitch a few magazines on overcoming my fear of flying. I found a few places that had group therapy, a couple of sites with online self-help, and a plethora of books that dealt with the topic. Dealing with my fear of flying was going to open new doors for me; traveling with my children would never be so fun & Disney world would be a hop, skip, and a jump away instead of something only to be accessed by 6 hours of rampant white knuckled terror coupled with the looming shadow over my vacation of the trip BACK.

I'm so happy to report that all of this research is no longer necessary! Thanks to that idiotic terrorist who was too stupid to do anything other than set his pants on fire, I no longer have a reason to conquer my fear of flying. I can live in gleeful surrender and walk the high road to acceptance.

So it is here, on my blog, that I will admit for all the world to see/read: I HATE FLYING.

I hated flying before it became 'stylish' to hate flying. On one memorable flight in 2006, as I careened my way on a WestJet flight to Toronto for a pitch on a reality show called "Dragons Den", the flight attendants had to drag out the oxygen mask and pitch an unsuspecting sleeping man into the aisle so she could sit beside me and take my pulse. The reason? Turbulence over the great lakes. Bump, bump, bump and I started to scream my ass off, crying, shaking, and hyperventilating. It was a first for me, but it certainly wouldn't be the last.

I hated flying before 9/11, which gave everyone in the world a damn good reason to hate flying. It seems unreasonable to me that you should be careening in the air at 35,000 feet (most flights I've taken in the not so recent past went up to 40,000, although I have no idea why) in a metal tube the shape of a Jimmy Dean sausage package with 250 other people. I kid you not; every single time I take my kids in an airplane I feel as though I'm about to send them to their doom. I sit through the flight, hands wet and heart thumping, trying to keep my phobia from my kids. By the time I get off the plane, my entire body is tense and exhausted, like I've just kicked someone's butt for an hour. Not a fun place to be.

After 9/11, it seemed as though there was real progress made in preserving airplanes from being used as weapons of mass destruction. Security measures, increased safety regulations, the chucking of random Disney snow globes when your daughter wants to bring them on a plane (incidentally, I think Californian airports must have a room for these snow globes, then sell them on eBay to fund their Christmas parties). All of these measures contribute to safety in the air, right? Really, I'm asking. Because it's still all bullshit to me. I've always felt that just because they managed to pull it off once, does not mean that they won't try to take down an airplane again. Apparently and unfortunately, I was correct.

I have a few theories that have allowed me to board planes and maintain my sanity.
Theory one: Flying in Canada is safer than flying to US destinations. Why? Well, number one I believe that our airplanes are maintained at a different standard than US planes. Although I delude myself into believing this, it may or may not be true. I really have no idea, but it's my belief and it gets me on planes so please allow me to maintain the delusion. Unfortunately, I can fly across Canada 10 times and still not get to Disneyworld or the warm shores of California, so although I may feel it is safer, the strong desire NOT to fly within Canada negates my desire to be SAFE on airplanes.
Theory two: Certain US airlines are safer than others. Once again, probably complete BS, but I do have a few favorites and one very strong and intense dislike for American airlines. They threw my daughter's stuffed kitty into the garbage, deluding me into thinking that Dallas/Fort Worth had an American Airlines 'lost and found' department. Lost and found in the garbage can more like.
Theory three: Short flights are safer than long flights, as there is less time for something bad to happen. Really, I make myself laugh at this one, but as I've said before, it's my delusion and I'm sticking with it. It's just as simple for a nut job to take his homemade thigh bomb and try to set himself on fire in the window seat during a 2 hour flight as it is for him to do it during a 5 hour flight. Short flights just allow me to suffer for less time. This is the reason I have visited Disneyland 3 times over the past 3 years and not ventured to sunny Florida (Does it look like I only vacation at Disney? It's true, much to the disgust of my husband)

As you can see, my theories are really just a way to convince my irrational mind to allow me to board the plane. Once I'm strapped in and taking off, the real fun starts. Thankfully though, I no longer have a reason to strap myself in anywhere! I'm free, because unless they (the Government) take their heads out of their butts and actually fix the problem (or we all fly naked and without baggage), I will never fly again. And I am NOT alone in this, which is also wonderful and makes me feel cozy in a fearful, clammy sort of way.

It's only a 3 day drive to Florida from here.

Freelancing 101: How I stay at home and still bring in a significant income

2009-12-22T10:07:00.000-08:00

I simply cannot find my Christmas spirit, and I was going to write about that today but am feeling BLAH about the loss of my festive mood so much so that I don't even feel the need to write about it! How about that?

I've been asked a number of times how I make an income working from home. Believe me when I say this; I spent years trying to figure out how to make money while still taking care of my kids full time. Years. I just never thought it was possible. I have researched every single thing out there, and watched as others sold Goji juice or other direct marketing things.

In 2003, I started a web site called Kidswap.ca . I had just had my second baby, and Kidswap was my way of making money and staying home with them. I did make money for awhile, and it was a very popular web site. Unfortunately I hired a company who took me to the cleaners while they provided an entirely new web site that actually never materialized, and that was the end of Kidswap. I hope to bring it back to life some day soon, because it was a great resource. But I digress, as we are talking about freelancing.

I spent some of my time promoting Kidswap through press releases I wrote. I always had great success with the releases locally, and gained a lot of press for myself, so I thought I might be able to do that for other people. In 2008, I found a web site called Odesk. I signed up, not really thinking that I would find something for myself on there. I bid on a few jobs and didn't have any success. I was asking for $9 per hour, which is really low, but I thought if I could get some feedback I would have a chance to start working.

My first job was as an editor for a video about gas consumption. I did the video for the client, then edited his eBook for him. As I was working for him, I found another job writing short articles for a company in Australia. When they asked me to bid on that job, I panicked! I really thought that my writing skills weren't up to par with the other providers, and worried I'd get horrible feedback.

I did my first assignment for the client, and felt sick when I sent it off. She came back to me practically glowing about my writing, and hired me for a long term project right away.

I worked for her for 6 months, and as time went on I picked up small jobs here and there. I'd write press releases for random people, do web copy, book descriptions, even edited and rewrote an advanced Masters level Psychology paper. I think I knew more about it than she did!

As I progressed on Odesk and my 5 star feedback grew, I also upped my rate. I think the key to freelancing is starting off low and then slowly increasing your rate when your feedback goes up. I went from $9 per hour to $11, then $15, then $19. I'm now at $27, and I'm quite happy there. For me, that is a realistic amount of money for certain writing.

As my feedback went up, I stopped getting invitations for certain jobs (like video editing) and was asked to do jobs for bigger companies. I have a regular client who I tweet and blog for, as well as another who I blog for, and three more who I regularly write articles for. Generally I've made over $1000 per month for the past few months, and really, that is nothing to sneeze at. It's not full time, and although I work weekends and evenings, for me it is simply the best job I could have.

I do have a work in progress, like many of the other writers on Twitter, and I try to get to it as much as I can. Some weeks it's all I can do to write 500 words of fiction before I head back to writing about drums, cymbals, or the environment.

My experience has only been on Odesk, although I get updates from sites like Elance and they look appealing as well. I've never had a bad experience on Odesk, although I have had a few on Craigslist. The two jobs I took for paying gigs on Craigslist have resulted in a byline in a local magazine, but no pay and 3 press releases that a lady HOUNDED me for and never paid me. She likes to use the illusion of "Oh, I sent you an email months ago". I have written it off as a bad experience, and just blocked her from my email.

Juggling the children while working is difficult. I tend to try to do work in the mornings after I drop them off at school, then forget about it until evening when I try to work again. I've worked until 1 am if I can manage to stay up that late, and I've worked straight through my last pregnancy and right after delivery. If I can manage to come home 15 hours after giving birth and empty the dishwasher, I can write an article or two. And I did. I actually think freelancing would be more difficult for someone with one little baby or toddler at home, because of the constant attention they require. My kids play together, and at 8,6, and 4, they are all fairly self-sufficient and understand if I have to work. The baby, at almost 6 months, is another story, but I try to squeeze stuff in between naps and I drink ALOT of coffee (preferably StarBucks but mostly Tim Hortons b/c it has a kick to it like a shot of speed).

I get stressed, a lot, but this is what is best for my family. I find I envy those whose kids take the bus to school or have full time house keepers. My WIP would be finished I think, if I had any time at all. Did I mention my husband frequently travels for work and often works evenings and weekend? Oh yes, it's basically just me on duty over here.

I hope this helps those of you who asked how you can really work at home, because it really works for me.

Happy Holidays!

I need head shots and stuff

2009-12-15T23:06:00.000-08:00

Head shots? Really? Someone told me today that I should get them, make me look more authentic! I know a few great photographers, but really, I hate having my picture taken.

On page 51 of my work in progress. Word count 11,000. Crazy, crazy. I have a very clear picture of how it should all go, straight to the end, but do you think I can make myself keep writing it? I almost feel as though if I finish it, I will find that the entire idea sucked and what was the point in spending so much time? Really, quite negative thinking on my part, but it's been a tough few years here. My sunbeam needs a new battery.

You must see it, to believe it.

2009-12-13T14:50:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the delay. Get caught up in other things. My WIP progress count is at 10,700 and I'm still going, although it's more difficult on weekends when everyone is attacking me. Onto the rest of the saga known as the NorthPoleBC.

It was dark when we walked down the path to Mrs.Claus' house. A string of laundry waved in the breeze, the pants from an obviously robust man. Once you walk in, Mrs.Claus sits at the front of the room, welcoming you in. Suddenly, the cabin feels tiny, almost clausterphobic. You are about to find out why.

Mrs.Claus begins with asking how we are all doing, then showing us around her house. She carries a red broom that looks like it's seen better days, and shows us her cherry pie that she just baked (it was glass) and on the wall a photo of her 'beloved.' It actually sounded a bit dirty the way she said it, but I wouldn't find out how dirty until later when Santa referenced her 'baking him a delicious cherry pie' and both kids couldn't understand why because they knew it was glass. Really, you had to be there.

First impressions? Mrs.Claus' egg nog was spiked and she was a master 'thespian' of epic proportions. We think she spent some time learning her craft while living with the Claus' for awhile at the North Pole (aka: The Betty Ford Clinic).

After reading a story that had not much to do with Christmas, I thought we were on our way out of there. But no. Alas, it was time to pull out the flute for a bit of a sing along. Now anyone who knows me understands that I am not a singer, I do not like to even sing along to Happy Birthday, and I will certainly never start a round of it. I can be found humming Christmas carols or mouthing the words to Happy Birthday. Does this make me a bad mother? Really, I'm seriously asking. Someone tell me.

At any rate, we sat through a lively rendition of "If you are happy and you know it." Not feeling very festive, I began to video tape on my cell phone for posterity and then tweeted the experience. FYI: Excellent cell phone reception at the NorthPole. The experience was only made better when my son expressed his 'happiness' but 'spinning around' one too many times and ended up bailing into the bags of flour. Video can be seen here: Nate bails in Mrs.Claus' house.

After another story & a rendition of "Let it Shine" we were finally on our way (allowed to escape). We made our way back to the main hall, where we had a nice snack and sat by the fire. Very cozy.

Our visit to Santa was announced by an Elf helper who took us down the windy path to Santa's house. This was the best part of the whole trip. Really, really beautiful on the path there, and Santa was quite the guy. He made a point of speaking to each of the kids (even the one who had his head buried in his dad's leg), and tried to talk to them a bit about what they liked & didn't like. He then sort of lectured them about being nice to each other and not fighting. I think Santa is psychic. He must have seen the bloodshed in the van on the way up to the Pole.

After our visit, he handed each kid a pack of cookies and said "Santa has to inform you that these cookies were made by Elves in a factory that has peanuts." Go Santa! I thanked him, because I have many friends with kids who have peanut allergies. Also, this is a good time to plug the peanut awareness bracelets that Protect Your Peanut is selling. But I digress.

Cookies in hand, kids were thrilled to be able to look around for a bit, and we were treated to a quick, musical light display set up by the Elves. It was very nice.

My overall opinion? The NorthPoleBC is a great place to take the family. I really liked it. It was a bit on the expensive side, but you do get the 'experience' of it all. It needs some tweaking, because it's more difficult to fool kids who have been to Disney as many times as mine have (more than 5 times and the oldest is 8). It would be much better if there had been snow, as there seems to be right now, so go and make your reservation if you can.

Yes, Virigina, there is a Santa Claus and he's closer than you think

2009-12-09T14:13:00.000-08:00

We didn't plan on dropping on on the North Pole the other night, but due to a long month of work, work, work for Dad and a 5 day trip where I was climbing the walls, we all needed a little family time.

Checking the Northpolebc.ca web site, we saw some vacancies for that afternoon at 4:30 pm. We decided to jump on it, because we're just such spur of the moment people here. *Having 4 kids means that is complete sarcasm*

We sent in our payment through Paypal (which I LOVE) and were on our way by 3:00 pm.

Arriving at our destination (White Pine Beach in upper POCO), the kids practically jumped out of the car. We were sitting in a small, unpaved parking lot right across the street from where we've taken the kids swimming in the summer. It wasn't quite 4:30 yet, so they went across the street to see the lake while I sat in the heated car with baby. It was chilly! Not Saskatchewan/Alberta chilly, but more than my frail, acclimatized body was used to. We had winter jackets and boots on, and we were still cold.

4:30 rolled around and no bus showed up. We waited, then waited some more. There was one other family waiting as well, and we were all starting to get a bit antsy. It was getting darker and darker, and although I could see some beautiful stars that normally I can't see when we're in the city, I was getting a little irritated that we were standing in the cold with our kids (who were bouncing around freaking out about the north pole).

After a phone call asking WTH the bus was, it finally showed up. Apparently their new web site allowed us to squeak in under the cut off time, and we were able to book same day which we shouldn't have. No worries, we were on the bus in no time and on our way.

We arrived at the North Pole in less than 10 minutes. I have a few suggestions for the bus trip there, because the flood of questions I had to answer about space and proximity on our way home gave me a headache:

Put a set of flashing lights/switches/buttons on your bus: It was a school bus, so obviously a school bus is not going to be kitted out with enough switches to turn it into the Magical School bus. A fake control panel above the elf's head would go miles to eliminating the questions like "How do we get to the North Pole so fast?" Make it pretty, with lit up buttons and then make a huge show of it when you are on your way.
Create a script or have someone create on for you:

Such as "Welcome to the North Pole special transport system. I am your host, Cracky the Elf, and I am here to take you through the space time continum so we can get to the North Pole in the blink of an eye. Watch for shooting stars out your window, because then you will know when we are approaching the portal to the dimension known as the North Pole."
As they approach the hill leading down to the North Pole itself, slam on the brakes a few times, jostling your passengers, and make a big show of switching on buttons. Hit the turbo button and slam on the gas pedal, then slow down. "You have no passed through time to the North Pole. That trip would have taken 23 hours by plane, but we did it in under 10 minutes."
After you exit the vehicle at the North Pole and the other elves take over: "Thank you for flying North Pole Air." See, simple scripting that will eliminate the need for endless questions after said experience.

We arrived at the North Pole, and walked out of the bus into a series of cabins (for the non-magical at heart, the North Pole is based at a children's camp). In the dark, even without snow, it's very pretty there. Christmas decorations abound, and we are led into the main lodge where there are two, large elves waiting for us. *NOTE* All elves should have pointy ears, as my 6 year old son scoffed. Otherwise, they aren't real elves but humans pretending they are elves.

A beautiful Christmas tree is the centerpiece, you can sit by the fire or go outside on the deck and roast marshmallows, or grab a hot chocolate and watch your kids color at the tables. It's very cozy, and if it was snowing it would have been absolutely perfect.

The first stop on our tour was the craft cabin. The kids were led in creating a gingerbread craft that they really enjoyed. The elves told stories of their education, which was funny.

Second stop down the dark path: The toy factory. Much to my shock, the kids were allowed to stuff a toy and keep it. Most places only allow you to make paper crafts, etc. This got a huge thumbs up in my book, as they all left with a souvenir of the north pole that they can cuddle.

After a walk down a very dark path, past the lake with a huge iceburg and polar bears (not kidding, very nice) we ended up at the Post Office. Here the kids were to deliver their letters to Santa (which we didn't have with us) and Santa would write back. I'm sure they will be waiting at the mailbox for his reply.

Each of the little huts is decorated for Christmas, and there are twinkly lights everywhere. It's very pretty.

Down the path a bit farther and we get to Mrs.Claus' house. This part of my story requires video and photos, because it's just not to be believed. I will be back to post more soon.

Yes, I did visit the North Pole (at northpolebc.ca that is)

2009-12-08T22:22:00.000-08:00

I am so tired. I have been writing freelance articles every chance I could get today, and I'm still 4 days behind. I am hoping that I can update the blog tonight, but my eyes are closing and everything is going a little wobbly.

I will be back tomorrow to write about the Northpolebc.ca.

It was fun, and I have some interesting video of the experience.

And there is nothing like a birthday party to make me feeling like barfing

2009-12-01T21:58:00.000-08:00

Oh my, I have hosted, cleaned up after, and eaten my way through my 2nd birthday party this month. It serves me right for only procreating during two basic times per year, because I have 2 kids with birthdays in June and 2 within 3 weeks of each other in Nov/Dec. This, of course, makes you wonder what I was up to at the end of September and around Valentines Day. Clearly my eggs only dropped twice a year. I am nothing if not predictable.

Today's festive event was held at the sanitarium called "Captain Kids." Complete with a butt burning molten lava slide (I kid you not, my child used his sweater after the first attempt and has what I can only call 'rug burn' on his rear), this place was a true mecca for germs and sweaty fun. Party started at noon and by 3:00 pm my children were begging to go home.

To survive I ate the delicious cake I baked, complete with 4 different colors of icing in "Wiggles" colors and paced. I also dished out a hefty dose of GermX everytime anyone came near me or the baby.

My 4 year old had a great time for the most part, but he really just wanted to be at home playing with his toys. This is the first true taste of personality that I've seen from him. I predict a homebody in this one.

Just a personal side here: I'd like to say something about my little Wiggly J before I let the thought go. I was upset when I became pregnant with him, because it was unplanned and life was so stressful to begin with. As time went on, I became more used to the idea, but when they handed me that baby on December 1st four years ago, I was just as surprised as if I was told I was pregnant that day. Here I had a perfect little baby that I hadn't asked for, and I could have flipped out over how lucky I felt at that moment. My little Wiggle has been a gem straight through the past four years, and although he's at that age where he's always right and I am always wrong, I wouldn't change a hair on his head. He has expressive eye brows, a big vocabulary (that's not really appropriate mom), and a way of naming colors after his favorite music (I'll take a blue Anthony crayon) that is just beyond amazing. I was lucky then, I'm lucky now. Enough said.

I completed 1000 words today. I was just inspired, sat down, and finished Chapter 3. I could have done some freelance work, which I am going to do now, but instead I wrote for fun. After today, it was a great relief. I loved it. This is the first time ever, ever, ever that I've had a person in me shouting to get their story told. I write about her as though she is trapped inside of me trying to get out, and its just a thrill to get it on paper. Not to say that the first draft isn't going to be complete crap, but it's so fun to see it out there.

Good night!

How a freelance writer is asked to appear on CBC's Dragons Den (answer: I wasn't a freelance writer back then)

2009-11-28T08:59:00.000-08:00

So, I was asked to appear on CBC’s Dragons Den. I actually wrote a little article about it for the local paper a few years back, and I will post that excerpt here. Looking back, it wasn’t a very good article, but I wasn’t much of a writer back then. I was into WEBSITES! (As this is from 2007, I will inject future Shelly in brackets wherever I feel necessary)

Within 1 month I had a request from CBC to appear in the den itself. Seized by fear, I asked myself the question every small business owner asks at one point or another, “Is any publicity better than no publicity?” I decided that having Kidswap’s name flogged across the country wasn’t such a bad thing, and made myself get on that plane to Toronto. (I didn’t mention in this article but while on that plane to Toronto, they had to pull out the oxygen mask because we hit a bad patch of turbulence over the great lakes and I had a full scale panic attack. The flight attendant actually grabbed the sleeping idiot beside me and almost tossed him into the aisle. Then she helped me breath while I calmed down. As people were obviously concerned, she said “Don’t worry everyone, she is fine. She’s going to be on reality television.” No one asked for my autograph, but I could tell they were intrigued!)

(And now, back to the den) As is stands, there was good reason to be afraid of the Dragon’s Den.

I stood at the top of a long flight of stairs. A strong yeasty aroma surrounded me in the fermentation room of Toronto’s Distillery District. Despite pep talks from the producers, I was shaking in my shoes. Descending the dark staircase, I found my mark and opened my mouth to start my pitch. 30 seconds later, my 2 minutes of ‘uninterrupted speaking’ was over as I was peppered with questions (I’ll go with the word “attacked” here instead. Yes, attacked works much better than “peppered” in this case). Immediately I realized why they called them ‘Dragons’. I was being attacked (see?) with queries and condemnations about my business model, my lack of market knowledge, and the competitive target audience I was striving for. In the space of 3 minutes it was being decided that what I really had was nothing more than a hobby that couldn’t go anywhere.

Then an interesting thing happened; I started arguing.

I thought about all of the people who sold on the site, all of the parents who eschew large corporate sites for buying and selling, the small businesses whom needed places to advertise and gain exposure. They were attacking my baby, and I was irate. My shining moment came when poised a question by dotcom millionaire Robert Herjavec, “Come on, why would a mother in Newmarket, Ontario sell on Kidswap?” To that I grabbed a sweater from a pile of props (namely sweaters that they asked me to bring in as display) I had brought and stated very firmly, “I purchased THIS from a mom in Newmarket, Ontario. She makes a killing on Kidswap.” He and I looked at each other for a moment of silence, after which he uttered the dreaded words “I’m out.”

Each Dragon agreed with Robert, and decided against the investment quickly. My eyes rested on Kevin O’Leary, creator of the Learning Company and investment guru for the television program ‘Squeeze Play’, who had yet to give a final decision. “I like you. I think you may have something here.” Long pause. I attempt to remain upright and continue breathing, but at this point I am sweating to the roots of my hair. He continued, “If I hadn’t lost so much money in dotcom’s, I really think I’d be into this.” Pause again as he taps his pencil on the pile of money sitting beside him. “Ok, well, I’m going to have to say no I think. I’m out.”

I felt a mixture of disappointment and relief that the moment I anticipated for a month was over, but as I was walking away my only thought was “I almost had one of them!”

I felt euphoric.

I was a mom of three children, running a business from my kitchen that, although extremely popular, barely generated any income. I had forced myself to go in front of 5 millionaires and pitch an idea that I had already made a reality. (Yes I did, and I am still proud of myself for that) If I never did anything again, at least I can say that I took that risk and showed a passion and belief in my own ideas.
Lessons from the Den? The greatest gift entrepreneurs can give themselves is to listen to those with experience. Although they are millionaires who own companies that provide pizza that I regularly eat and underwear that I admire from the mall windows, they are smart and down to earth. Their assessment of my business may just have been correct, but it was the spunk I took into the den that keeps me dreaming and working toward my goal of profitable ecommerce.

So there you have it in a nutshell. I no longer work toward a goal of profitable ecommerce, but I do still have fond memories of what Kidswap was at one point. Unfortunately for me, Dragons Den was the tip of the slippery slope I went down that year. I needed a new look to the web site before I was going to be broadcast on the show, so I hired a few idiots along the way. Not a good move on my part, but one I can finally forgive me for.

Although this doesn’t directly have anything to do with my writing, it does show you how I went from being a complete ecommerce addict to not really caring at all, and eventually finding what I’m really good at: Writing. I look back almost grateful. (I am, however, still vindictive to those who scammed me! Watch out!)

My biggest screw up - The CBC Dragon's Den that wasn't

2009-11-19T13:46:00.000-08:00

I saw a Tweet today from Anderson Cooper at CNN about someone's 'Biggest Screw Up'. Yes, I know that everyone has their moments in life where they mess up big time, so it was nice to see someone else talking about their biggest screw ups in their career. It also made me think about my biggest screw up, which I have to say was CBC's Dragons Den. I didn't specifically screw up on Dragons' Den, but everything else I screwed up after was because of that show.

Have you ever known anyone asked to be on this program? No? Well now you can say you do. In August of 2006, I received an email from a friend saying "Hey, apply for this." It was an open casting call for Dragons Den, which had just come to Canada after being successful in the UK.

At the time, I owned a business called Kidswap. Technically, I still own the trademarked name "Kidswap" and the web site (with a friend who is a partner), but it sits lonely and only occasionally used. I'd have to delve into that one later, but for the purpose of this blog post imagine a bustling web site, with thousands of users and hundreds of ads being posted daily. It was a very large community, very busy, and really cool. I loved it. It was my passion. The site is why I used that name as my twitter signature @kidswap . The ties that bind I suppose.

At any rate, I submitted an email to the producers and forgot about it. About a month later I received an email back asking me to audition. Of course I was knocked out of my chair by this. I had just been featured in the Province newspaper about a month before, so as far as the site being busy, etc. it was good timing. I had three little kids at the time, and a decidedly busy husband, but I wanted to go for it. I went down on audition day, stood in front of the camera, and smiled a lot. I was so nervous I was shaking. The producer commented on my peidcure (Thank you Spa Utopia) and I was out of there. I left knowing that I had made a good impression. Then, as any busy mom does, I forgot about it again.

3 weeks later, I ran into the library to return some book. My phone rang while I was in there and my husband answered it. When I got back to the car, he said that there was a message for me. Reading from it almost made me pass out. Dragon's Den wanted me to call them, they wanted me on the show!! I cannot remember specifically what I said or did, but I was so scared and excited at that point. It was really incredible, that this little web site I put up in my spare time was getting national attention from a bunch of investors in Toronto.

I called them back when I got home, and I was told that I was their top choice in Western Canada to come out and do the show. They had to have me there. Imagine the shock. Imagine the awe. Imagine the complete panic!! They would send me my airfare, and I was set to go in two weeks.

I will be back to finish up. As is the life of a mom, children who are hungry/dirty/waking up come before writing.

Peek a boo - Write a page - Wipe a nose - Write 4 words

2009-11-16T10:15:00.001-08:00

You've all read/experienced the challenges of working from home when you have your kids with you. It's almost impossible, and some days you can take the almost out of that sentence and realize that yes, it is impossible to work from home. Boredom, rain, cooking, cleaning, or teething all contribute to children being unable or unwilling to sit/stand/or entertain themselves. It's gotten so that I think the back of my closet is a good place to be, and I have hidden several small chocolate bars and a couple bottles of water if I have to hit the deck unexpectedly.
How do you combat this eternal struggle, the constant battle between your desire to write productively and be with your children? The obvious answer is daycare. Some of us have that, some of us do not. I for one, do not. My littlest is 4 months old, and I have strong views about leaving him with anyone.

Just for fun, let's run through a few scenarios that may or may not help you with your current child attending dilemma:

Leave them with your husband/boyfriend/SO - Ok, if this is an option for you, take it by all means. This is the path of least resistance as far as writing, and if you know he/she/whomever is going to be home at the end of the day, you will look forward to that small piece of heaven/time and it will get you through. This is not an option for me, as my husband works evenings/travels/ and has an erratic schedule. So good for you, not so good for me.
Crayons - There is a reason that Crayola is still profitable. Thousands of desperate mothers slap some paper and crayons on the table with the wishful thinking that perhaps they (your children) will color for a period of time. Crayola has not planned for crayon fights, markers on walls and doorways, and those children who would rather peel off the paper than color on the page. If it works, go with it. If not, on to another idea.
Video games - My house is a haven for XBox (husbands), Wii (kids and husbands), Nintendo DS (kids, often stolen by husband), PS2 (bought for husband's birthday one year) and PSP (rarely used, desired by husband then thrown in a drawer. Do you see a trend here?) It's a rainy, wet day in Vancouver. Typical weather for this time of year. What to do after your school snack and homework? Find a video game and leave mama in the corner for 1/2 hour. With this buffet of options, you would think that's an easy choice? Not so! Much arguing ensues and my 1/2 hour has gone to breaking up the fight. When they are all happily playing, baby has woke up and I'm back to peek a boo.
Begging - Now I don't condone begging because it makes your children respect you less, but I have been known to say "Please, please Mommy has to finish this. Can I give you a snack and a book for 10 minutes?" Then, I take my computer and go sit in the bathroom. No, not on the toilet. Get your mind out of the gutter people.

Although these options will not work for everyone, this is what I encounter the most during my day. I frantically write, write, write whenever I can. I overcome the obstacles because I truly love to write, it makes me happy, and some days it's really difficult to find one thing to make you happy.

Conflict Resolution - Mom style!

2009-11-15T10:09:00.001-08:00

As I drove my kids home from school the other day, I listened with half an ear as my six year old recounted his experience with show and tell that day. He had struggled that morning with what to bring, and came to the door armed with two teddy bears that he’s loved since he was a baby. Thinking more along the lines of him not having room in his bag and not what bringing bears to school could do to a boy in Grade One, I steered him in the direction of a family photo recently taken in front of the Mickey Pumpkin during our last trip to Disney. Of course I am distracted as we get his bag into the car, and it wasn’t until after school that I realized he did sneak his coveted ‘Buzz Bear’ to school that day. Showing the bear off to his friends, he was quite surprised to see his friend ‘Joe’ cover his mouth with his hands and laugh. I looked in the review mirror as he showed me what the kid did to mock him, and was instantly irate.

“Joe is a tool”, said I, before thinking it through and realizing what came out of my mouth.

“He’s a WHAT??” asked my son. Helpfully, my 8-year-old daughter explained, “Mom thinks he’s an idiot.”

Oh my. This is when it hit me. I have not done a very good job hiding myself from my kids.

I understand that, in the grand scheme of things, my children live with me in my house and are therefore going to be exposed to the unavoidable verbal onslaught that often comes with my day-to-day life. I have four children, life is stressful, and I don’t generally hide that.

It made me start wondering how much of our real personality we hide from our children, and which is better? Full disclosure with slight modifications, which is generally the way I go or the attitude that we can protect our kids from the world just by the way we react. Never is this more important than when dealing with life’s little issues, which have the effect of a massive roof caving in snowball when left unattended.

Let’s take an example. You are fighting with your husband and it’s about money. Things start to get very heated. Do you take it behind closed doors, knowing that your older children are probably eaves dropping and leaving them out there to fend for themselves or do you argue in front of them, committing yourself not to raise your voice but clearly expressing your anger? 1950’s style Mom would not say a word, continue to clean up from dinner, and if needed, would discuss the matter after the children are in bed. From experience, I don’t know many women who would be willing to wait to have that discussion, especially as everything in our lives is currently so busy and urgent that if you wait, your little chat may never happen.

Should children see us arguing or dealing with conflict? I say yes, but I temper that with moderation.

If you shield them from these types of situations, they will grow up and be shocked as they see other people outside of your home deal with conflict. You will then have missed your opportunity to teach them the correct way of solving a problem. Not only that, I really believe that because it would be so overwhelming to be suddenly thrown into dealing with big issues, they will avoid conflict like the plague. I call this the “head in sand” approach to conflict, and I’ve seen it in my husband and other family members. I don’t like it, and I don’t want my kids to grow up like that.

When they see us dealing with problems, they will soon realize that there is almost always a solution. You can have an argument in front of your kids, deal with it by talking it out in a heated manner, then show them that the problem is solved and move on.

The key here? The problem was solved.

Life is full of problems both big and small, you can’t keep them in a bubble. Children, from a very early age, need to know how to deal with that.

I tend to say what I think in front of my children. If a teacher sends home a rude note about not practicing sight cards enough, I have a hard time biting my tongue and not discussing this with my husband immediately upon reading it. Being the happy little eavesdroppers that they are, they listen in and then ask me questions as to why I am unhappy about the note. What do you say to that? Should I lie? As I have a very strict ‘No Lie Policy”, it’s not something that I would consider. I simply explain that not everyone does nice things, that my opinion is clearly different from the teachers, and that I am going to deal with the situation. What do they learn from this? Once again, Mom has a problem but she’s taking are of it.

I am the way I am as a parent because I’ve been exposed to the extreme opposite of conflict resolution. I grew up in a family where an argument would last for hours and occasionally punches would be exchanged between family members. Yes, that was scary for a little kid growing up. I had real worries as a five year old, including if that argument between dad and my uncle never stopped, someone was going to get a black eye. Yelling was second nature to me; it was how people expressed themselves. What I never, ever saw was a solution to a problem. I grew up thinking that maybe it wasn’t possible to deal with stuff, that huge black clouds hung over our heads for years and years, never to let up.

In contrast, my husband’s family does not fight and argue. They may have had heated arguments or disagreements, but once they did the blinders would go on and everyone would pretend it never happened. For me, it’s like being stuck in a vortex. Not keeping talking about it? Not acceptable! We have to beat this issue to death.

For my children, I have taken what I experienced and armed with my Psychology degree, have come to a middle ground. I will not shield them, but I will not pretend it never happened either. If they are occasionally exposed to my true beliefs about their friends, teachers, or what have you, I will temper that by sitting them down and explaining why I feel that way and that my feelings do not represent everyone. I encourage my kids to talk about what they are feeling, and if they think that their friend Joe is a tool, I let them say that as well. Just as long as they don’t say that in class!

I know there are a lot of moms out there like me, who need to find the middle ground between how they were raised and what they know is right. As far as I am concerned, it starts with how you express yourself to your children. I don’t hide myself or my feelings from my kids. When trying to figure out a problem, I ask myself what I would be teaching them by avoiding the problem altogether.

Nothing.

Then I ask myself what I would teach them by screaming about it for hours and hours.

Once again, nothing.

Remember: Sand is for building sandcastles, not for hiding from the world. Keep your eye on the prize and find the happy middle ground that is your children’s future.